“I don’t know whether it’s a curse or a blessingI see it as a blessing because I hold in too much All the feelings I hide The wars I fight Writing is the only way I let it all outIt is also my curse you see, because I can’t rid myself of it Sometimes I choose to write but I can’t deceive myself that it is always my choice It’s like an addiction, when I stop withdrawal symptoms kick inI shut down because every emotion hurts. Loving hurts, being loved is far worse These feelings become mini-demons that keep scraping and scratching and stinging screaming for release My thoughts are deafening, my soul tormented I’m in a hell hole so write I mustWhen I care, I care too deeply When I like, I like too much When I love, it is to the ends of space and time When I fall, I fall too fast, too hard, heaven has a difficult time pulling me back to my feet And right now I’m standing on the precipice, terrifiedWhat draws me to you Is it your smile… I can’t remember the sound of your laughter but that smile… If I could touch your face I would commit every twitch, every crevice, every wrinkle that forms when you smile to my memory so that I can say I touched happiness Or is it way you speak, I don’t know how you manage to fit care and arrogance in the same voice. It maddens me but I wouldn’t have it any other way Or is it the stolen moments when you say that I’m yours, only yours Or the feather light kisses lighting little fires dancing around and melting my heartWhat is it about you that I miss so Our endless banter, your fierce hugs, tender kisses… I was a fool to think I could last a year without them. Maybe I could, but it would be a woebegone year Your side-splitting stories, you don’t even realize how funny you are I miss you, I know you are here but I miss you exceedinglyI had a dream about you and I know why I’ve been scared that you are pulling back I wouldn’t blame you if you were, I fight you everyday That is why I have been awfully quiet, silently mourning the loss of something I never had Yesterday I had no errand to run. It was an excuse to walk with you, to be with you a tad bit longer even just in silence In this dream you said you said you loved me and for a fleeting moment I was so relieved and elated Then I woke up to this still hollow feeling telling me I’ve lost something, I’ve lost you I know you’re here but I feel like I’m losing you I cannot lose you I will not lose you”

− Evy Michaels −