All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“I’m an atheist and I thank God for it.”

“You look too pretty to be useful.” “Truer words were never spoken.”

“There’s some heinous fuckery goin’ on mon.”

“Well then,” Roen said briskly, “are you sleeping?””Yes.””Come now. A mother can tell when her son lies. Are you eating?””No,” Brigan said gravely. “I’ve not eaten in two months. It’s a hunger strike to protest the spring flooding in the south.””Gracious,” Roen said, reaching for the fruit bowl. “Have an apple, dear.”

“I was once reproved by a minister who was driving a poor beast to some meeting-house horse-sheds among the hills of New Hampshire, because I was bending my steps to a mountain-top on the Sabbath, instead of a church, when I would have gone farther than he to hear a true word spoken on that or any day. He declared that I was ‘breaking the Lord’s fourth commandment,’ and proceeded to enumerate, in a sepulchral tone, the disasters which had befallen him whenever he had done any ordinary work on the Sabbath. He really thought that a god was on the watch to trip up those men who followed any secular work on this day, and did not see that it was the evil conscience of the workers that did it. The country is full of this superstition, so that when one enters a village, the church, not only really but from association, is the ugliest looking building in it, because it is the one in which human nature stoops the lowest and is most disgraced. Certainly, such temples as these shall erelong cease to deform the landscape. There are few things more disheartening and disgusting than when you are walking the streets of a strange village on the Sabbath, to hear a preacher shouting like a boatswain in a gale of wind, and thus harshly profaning the quiet atmosphere of the day.”

“Anybody who says they are a good liar obviously is not, because any legitimately savvy liar would always insist they’re honest about everything.”

“Thinking is hard work, which is why you don’t see many people doing it.”

“Yeah, but the lost diadem,” said Michael Corner, rolling his eyes, “is lost, Luna. That’s sort of the point.”

“A girl’s got to use what she’s given and I’m not going to make a guy drool the way a Britney video does. So I take it to extremes. I don’t say I dress sexily on stage – what I do is so extreme. It’s meant to make guys think: ‘I don’t know if this is sexy or just weird.”

“Humor is what happens when we’re told the truth quicker and more directly than we’re used to.”

“Are you insinuatin’ that my daughter is a liar?””Oh, no, not at all. I’m saying your daughter is a liar. Surely you can appreciate the difference.”

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, look to tomorrow, rest this afternoon.”

“One of the world’s most tiresome questions is what object one would bring to a desert island,because people always answer “a deck of cards” or “Anna Karenina” when the obvious answer is “a well equipped boat and a crew to sail me off the island and back home where I can play all the card games and read all the Russian novels I want.”

“To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not quite enough time.”

“Now what happens?” asked the man in black. “We face each other as God intended,” Fezzik said. “No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.””You mean you’ll put down your rock and I’ll put down my sword and we’ll try to kill each other like civilized people, is that it?”