All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.”

“Ever heard of the rule of three? he shouts as we run.No!If you save somebody’s life three times, their life belongs to you. You saved my life today, that makes once. Save it twice more an I’m all yers.”

“If you’re trapped in the dream of the Other, you’re fucked.”

“A demigod!” one snarled.”Eat it!” yelled another.But that’s as far as they got before I slashed a wide arc with Riptide and vaporized the entire front row of monsters.”Back off!” I yelled at the rest, trying to sound fierce. Behind them stood their instructor–a six-foot tall telekhine with Doberman fangs snarling at me. I did my best to stare him down.”New lesson, class,” I announced. “Most monsters will vaporize when sliced with a celestial bronze sword. This change is completely normal, and will happen to you right now if you don’t BACK OFF!”To my surprise, it worked. The monsters backed off, but there was at least twenty of them. My fear factor wasn’t going to last that long.I jumped out of the cart, yelled, “CLASS DISMISSED!” and ran for the exit.”

“We have now left Reason and Sanity Junction. Next stop, Looneyville.”

“No matter what dimension you’re in, there’s a big-headed male trying to take over the world.”

“What’s the whole point of being pretty on the outside when you’re so ugly on the inside?”

“I am a wizard, not a baboon brandishing a stick.”

“I have never voted in my life… I have always known and understood that the idiots are in a majority so it’s certain they will win.”

“Once the others were below, Hazel and Leo faced each other awkwardly. They were alone except for Coach Hedge, who was back on the quarterdeck singing the Pokémon theme song. The coach had changed the words to: Gotta Kill ’Em All, and Leo really didn’t want to know why.”

“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”

“Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you’re just a reflection of him?”

“Definition of rock journalism: People who can’t write, doing interviews with people who can’t think, in order to prepare articles for people who can’t read.”

“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something”

“An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.”