All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Z: “You know, this was a hell of a lot easier when you were out cold in the back of that truck.”Phury: “That was you?”Z:”You think it was Santa Claus or some shit?”

“In this country we have no place for hyphenated Americans.”

“I see a light in the kitchen. Let us not deprive Molly any longer of the chance to deplore how thin you are.”

“I think it’s kinda nice.’ And I did. my mom isn’t famous for her pies. No, she’s famous for defusing a nuclear device in Brussels with only a pair of cuticle scissors and a ponytail holder. Somehow, at the moment, pies seemed cooler.”

“There will be no yelling at people who are bleeding themselves to unconsciousness.”

“Those unable to catalog the past are doomed to repeat it.”

“You backbiting, poisonous, treacherous, deceitful, wicked, clever girl. If this works I’ll buy you a pony.”

“As for monkeys, I would have five, and they would be named: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, Do Pretty Much Whatever The Hell You Want, and Expensive Attorney.”

“Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you’d expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would’ve been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say “this guy”, because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.No woman could or would ever fuck things up like this. So, if there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that he’s at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesn’t give a shit. Doesn’t give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results.”

“You’re the queen, and it’s the queen’s house, and whatever Brigan may accomplish, he’s highly unlikely ever to be queen.”

“Men are more interesting in books than they are in real life.”

“His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad,His hair is as dark as a blackboard.I wish he was mine, he’s really divine,The hero who conquered the Dark Lord.”

“Piece of Heaven?” “No, that other place I’m going to go to for thinking what I’m thinking.”

“Ah,” said Magnus. “Nerd love. It is a beautiful thing, while also being an object of mockery and hilarity for those of us who are more sophisticated.”

“Life is like a box of chocolates.”