All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.”

“Men are more interesting in books than they are in real life.”

“His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad,His hair is as dark as a blackboard.I wish he was mine, he’s really divine,The hero who conquered the Dark Lord.”

“Piece of Heaven?” “No, that other place I’m going to go to for thinking what I’m thinking.”

“Ah,” said Magnus. “Nerd love. It is a beautiful thing, while also being an object of mockery and hilarity for those of us who are more sophisticated.”

“If I ever meet myself,’ said Zaphod, ‘I’ll hit myself so hard I won’t know what’s hit me.”

“The mind is a complex and many-layered thing, Potter… or at least, most minds are…”

“Interviewer: ‘So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?’Frank Zappa: ‘You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?”

“Well, while you were in the bathroom, I sat down at this picnic table here in Bumblefug, Kentucky, and noticed that someone had carved that GOD HATES FAG, which, aside from being a grammatical nightmare, is absolutely ridiculous. So I’m changing it to ‘God Hates Baguettes.’ It’s tough to disagree with that. Everybody hates baguettes.”

“I don’t put up with being messed around, and I don’t suffer fools gladly. The short version of that is that I’m a bitch. Trust me, I can provide character references.”

“There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says “Morning, boys. How’s the water?” And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes “What the hell is water?”

“He who hesitates is a damned fool.”

“People can do great things. However, there are some things they just CAN’T do. I, for instance, have not been able to transform myself into a Popsicle, despite years of effort.”

“May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch”

“The only French word I know is oui, which means “yes,” and only recently did I learn it’s spelled o-​u-​i and not w-​e-​e.”