All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Noah shifted on the bed, and the oddest crunching sound came underneath him. I looked, really looked, at the bed for the first time.”What,” I asked slowly, as I eyed the animal crackers strewn all over it, “the hell?””You were convinced they were your pets,” Noah said, not even trying to suppress his laughter. “You wouldn’t let me touch them.”

“Humor is laughing at what you haven’t got when you ought to have it.”

“Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.”

“Leaving us with Eric is like hiring a babysitter who spends his time sharpening knives.”

“Your brain is doing some great work when it’s laughing.”

“Leo couldn’t help smiling. “That could be fun.””Fun” she said unhappily.”Blue elephants.””Blue elephants.””Kiss me you fool.””You fool.”

“But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.”

“I’m right and you’re wrong, I’m big and you’re small, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Fate,” Blue replied, glowering at her mother, “is a very weighty word to throw around before breakfast.”

“Have you ever had a girlfriend, Kenji?””What?” He looks mortally offended. “Do I look like the kind of guy who’s never had a girlfriend? Have you even met me?”

“Number of empty Ben & Jerry’s containers: 3 — two mint chocolate cookie, one plain vanilla. (Who buys plain vanilla ice cream from Ben & Jerry’s, anyway? Is there a greater waste?)”

“Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.”

“What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can’t move, with no hope of rescue. Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn’t been good to you so far, which given your current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that it won’t be troubling you much longer.”

“He f**ks even better than he looks”, I settled on saying. Several heads turned. I didn’t care; I was pissed. “And that beautiful face is going to be clamped between my legs as soon as we get home, don’t you worry.”

“Hello, Minister!” bellowed Percy, sending a neat jinx straight at Thicknesse, who dropped his wand and clawed at the front of his robes, apparently in awful discomfort. “Did I mention I’m resigning?”