All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it shorter.”(Letter 16, 1657)”

“You were wrong. She really is the new general in town.”I smiled back, hoping he wasn’t aware of my body’s reaction to us standing so close. “Maybe. But, it’s okay. You can still be colonel.”He arched an eyebrow. “Oh? Did you demote yourself? Colonel’s right below general. What’s that make you?”I reached into my pocket and triumphantly flashed the CR-V keys I’d swiped when we’d come back inside. “The driver,” I said.”

“So I hear we get to go to town this weekend. Want to catch a movie or something?–ZP.S. That is, if Jimmy doesn’t mind.Translation: This weekend might be a good chance for us to see each other outside our school in a social environment, free of competetiton. I do not view other boys as threats, and I enjoy making them seem insignificant by calling them the wrong names. (Translation by Macey McHenry)”

“I wasn’t fooled. He was avoiding looking at me. “There’s nothing to talk about.””I knew you’d say that. Actually, it was a toss-up between that and ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.'”Dimitri sighed.”

“Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherfucker in the world. If I moved to a martial-arts monastery in China and studied real hard for ten years. If my family was wiped out by Colombian drug dealers and I swore myself to revenge. If I got a fatal disease, had one year to live, and devoted it to wiping out street crime. If I just dropped out and devoted my life to being bad.”

“That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say ‘No’ in any of them.”

“He’s not feeling well,” Clary said, catching at Simon’s wrist. “We’re going.” “No,” Simon said. “No, I — I need to talk to him. To the Inquisitor.” Robert reached into his jacket and drew out a crucifix. Clary stared in shock as he held it up between himself and Simon. “I speak to the Night’s Children Council representative, or to the head of the New York clan,” he said. “Not to any vampire who comes to knock at my door —“ Simon reached out and plucked the cross out of Robert’s hand. “Wrong religion,” he said.”

“I’m going to talk to her.””And how’s that going to go? You’re just going to walk up to her and say, ‘Hey, I know you’ve never seen me before, but I’m your dad. Oh, and guess what? You’ve won the evolutionary lottery: You’re a vampire. Let’s go to Disneyland!”

“You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn’t that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.”

“Fine! I’ll throw on some clothes. Turn around. I’m in my pj’s””I’m a guy. That’s like asking a kid not to glance at the candy counter.”

“I look up to say something but he puts his finger to my lips and whispers, “Don’t talk. You’ll just spoil my fantasy of rescuing an innocent damsel in distress as soon as you open your mouth.”

“It’s now very common to hear people say, ‘I’m rather offended by that.’ As if that gives them certain rights. It’s actually nothing more… than a whine. ‘I find that offensive.’ It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. ‘I am offended by that.’ Well, so fucking what.”[I saw hate in a graveyard — Stephen Fry, The Guardian, 5 June 2005]”

“I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.”

“Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.”

“It’s sarcasm, Josh.”“Sarcasm?”“It’s from the Greek, sarkasmos. To bite the lips. It means that you aren’t really saying what you mean, but people will get your point. I invented it, Bartholomew named it.”“Well, if the village idiot named it, I’m sure it’s a good thing.”“There you go, you got it.”“Got what?”“Sarcasm.”“No, I meant it.”“Sure you did.”“Is that sarcasm?”“Irony, I think.”“What’s the difference?”“I haven’t the slightest idea.”“So you’re being ironic now, right?”“No, I really don’t know.”“Maybe you should ask the idiot.”“Now you’ve got it.”“What?”“Sarcasm.”