All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Cricket Bell.” I smiled into my phone. “How did you get so wise?”

“If you rest, you rust.”

“Money is the root of all evil.’ Then we hear, ‘A fool and his money are soon parted.’ What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn’t it be, ‘A wise man and his money are soon parted’? And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools who have a lot of money, but they won’t tell me how they got it, and I won’t tell them.”

“Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.”

“Only a female could be as calculating and have the foresight that destiny requires,’ the gypsy explained. ‘Now fate is a man,’ he went on, ‘no planning, just go with the flow and see what tomorrow brings.”

“…ducks and geese are foolish things, and must be looked after, but girls can take care of themselves.”

“He’s acting as foolish as a kitten… but then, everyone’s entitled to a little foolishness once in a while.”

“Wit seduces by signaling intelligence without nerdiness.”

“A doctor, a logician and a marine biologist had also just arrived, flown in at phenomenal expense from Maximegalon to try to reason with the lead singer who had locked himself in the bathroom with a bottle of pills and was refusing to come out till it could be proved conclusively to him that he wasn’t a fish. The bass player was busy machine-gunning his bedroom and the drummer was nowhere on board.Frantic inquiries led to the discovery that he was standing on a beach on Santraginus V over a hundred light years away where, he claimed, he had been happy for over half an hour now and had found a small stone that would be his friend.”

“A knavish speech sleeps in a fool’s ear.”

“It don’t do you no nevermind to tell nobody nothing.”

“Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom”

“I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well, if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left.”

“Wisdom is one of the few things that looks bigger the further away it is.”

“I’m a happy person. If you want to be around me, you can either choose to be happy too, or follow the signs to the nearest exit!”