“A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.”

“The only cure for a real hangover is death.”

“It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too famous.”

“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”