All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“When life hands you lemons say,”Lemons? What else have you got?”- bumper sticker”

“Because . . . most of us think that the point is something to do with work, or kids, or family, or whatever. But you don’t have any of that. There’s nothing between you and despair, and you don’t seem a very desperate person.’ ‘Too stupid.’ ‘You’re not stupid. So why don’t you ever put your head in the oven?’ ‘I don’t know. There’s always a new Nirvana album to look forward to, or something happening in NYPD Blue to make you want to watch the next episode.’ ‘Exactly.’ ‘That’s the point? NYPD Blue? Jesus.’ It was worse than he thought. ‘No, no. The point is you keep going. You want to. So all the things that make you want to are the point. I don’t know if you even realize it, but on the quiet you don’t think life’s too bad. You love things. Telly. Music. Food.”

“We spend a huge chunk of our lives worrying about whether or not we will eventually get the person and/or the things we need or want. Once we get them, we spend the rest of our lives worrying about whether or not we will eventually lose them.”

“We sometimes congratulate someone, not because we value or find worthy what they have just achieved, but only because we fear coming across as jealous.”

“Confidence is the underwear of achievement”

“Heroes hate wasting time. ‘You’re wasting my time,’ they’ll say. Yet they devote very little time to time management, and rarely consult a diary.”

“Good plan,” Freddy was saying. “Let’s get some decent sleep. Tomorrow we can shake our gravy asses into town and do some sluething.”

“Life could be horrible in the wrong trouser of time.”

“The next visit I paid to Nancy Brown was in the second week in March: for, though I had many spare minutes during the day, I seldom could look upon an hour as entirely my own; since, when everything was left to the caprices of Miss Matilda and her sister, there could be no order or regularity. Whatever occupation I chose, when not actually busied about them or their concerns, I had, as it were, to keep my loins girded, my shoes on my feet, and my staff in my hand; for not to be immediately forthcoming when called for, was regarded as a grave and inexcusable offence: not only by my pupils and their mother, but by the very servant, who came in breathless haste to call me, exclaiming ‘You’re to go to the school-room directly, mum- the young ladies is WAITING!!’ Climax of horror! actually waiting for their governess!!!”

“We are unable to discount the hypotheses that the world began three years ago.”

“You can’t make footprints in the sand of time if you’re sitting on your butt, and who wants to make buttprints in the sand of time?”

“The moment seemed endless, but it was probably only half that.”

“Time plays tricks between here and home,” said Mogget sepulchrally, frightening the life out of the telephone operator.”

“There is always time for another last minute”

“Want to have a short phone call with someone? Call them at 11:55 a.m., right before lunch. They’ll talk fast. You may think you are interesting, but you are not more interesting than lunch.”