All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win. -Henny Youngman, comedian and violinist (1906-1998)”

“You doan go diggin’ for gold in an outhouse.”

“People are less quick to applaud you as you grow older. Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there.”

“Let me tell you: the only way to get rid of dragons is to have one of your own.”

“Don’t you oh well me,sir,” Miss Maudie replied, recognizing Jem’s fatalistic noises, “you are not old enough to appreciate what I said.”

“It’s curling ribbon, but you don’t have to curl it. You don’t have to do everything the ribbon tells you to do. Don’t live your life like that.”

“Pelit itu payah! Hemat itu jenius!”

“I have a shocking memory – I remember everything.”

“somehow people forget that there is God….what more to us we’re just individuals,,to forget is part of imperfections..”

“You can’t really yell at your boyfriend for stealing your seat and your best friend. You also can’t yell at your best friend for stealing your boyfriend. Or you can…but Hi seemed like a much easier way to start the morning.”

“(…)best of luck, avoid roasted cabbage, don’t eat earwax, and look on the bright side of life!”

“This is the legend of Cassius Clay, The most beautiful fighter in the world today.He talks a great deal, and brags indeed-y, of a muscular punch that’s incredibly speed-y.The fistic world was dull and weary,But with a champ like Liston, things had to be dreary.Then someone with color and someone with dash, Brought fight fans are runnin’ with Cash.This brash young boxer is something to see And the heavyweight championship is his des-tin-y.This kid fights great; he’s got speed and endurance,But if you sign to fight him, increase your insurance.This kid’s got a left; this kid’s got a right,If he hit you once, you’re asleep for the night.And as you lie on the floor while the ref counts ten,You’ll pray that you won’t have to fight me again.For I am the man this poem’s about,The next champ of the world, there isn’t a doubt.This I predict and I know the score,I’ll be champ of the world in ’64.When I say three, they’ll go in the third,10 months agoSo don’t bet against me, I’m a man of my word.He is the greatest! Yes!I am the man this poem’s about,I’ll be champ of the world, there isn’t a doubt.Here I predict Mr. Liston’s dismemberment,I’ll hit him so hard; he’ll wonder where October and November went.When I say two, there’s never a third,Standin against me is completely absurd.When Cassius says a mouse can outrun a horse,Don’t ask how; put your money where your mouse is!I AM THE GREATEST!”

“The children were overwhelmingly morbid. Not a single adult asked me where butterflies go when they die, but this question was more popular than pixie sticks with the under-four-foot set. I cursed parents for not preparing their children. When I was five, my mother and sister sat me up on the kitchen counter and explained the facts of life: the Easter Bunny didn’t exist, Elijah was God’s invisible friend, with any luck Nana would die soon, and if I ever saw a unicorn, I should kill it or catch it for cash. I turned out okay.”

“When life hands you lemons say,”Lemons? What else have you got?”- bumper sticker”

“Because . . . most of us think that the point is something to do with work, or kids, or family, or whatever. But you don’t have any of that. There’s nothing between you and despair, and you don’t seem a very desperate person.’ ‘Too stupid.’ ‘You’re not stupid. So why don’t you ever put your head in the oven?’ ‘I don’t know. There’s always a new Nirvana album to look forward to, or something happening in NYPD Blue to make you want to watch the next episode.’ ‘Exactly.’ ‘That’s the point? NYPD Blue? Jesus.’ It was worse than he thought. ‘No, no. The point is you keep going. You want to. So all the things that make you want to are the point. I don’t know if you even realize it, but on the quiet you don’t think life’s too bad. You love things. Telly. Music. Food.”