“If you’re anything like me,You bite your nails,And laugh when you’re nervous.You promise people the world,because that’s what they want from you.You like giving them what they want…But darling, you need to stop,If you’re anything like me,You knock on wood every time you make plans.You cross your fingers, hold your breath,Wish on lucky numbers and eyelashesYour superstitions were the lone survivors of the shipwreck.Rest In Peace, to your naive bravado…If life gets too good now,Darling, it scares you.If you’re anything like me,You never wanted to lock your door,Your secret garden gate or your diary drawerDidn’t want to face the you you don’t know anymoreFor fear she was much better before…But Darling, now you have to.If you’re anything like me,There’s a justice system in your headFor names you’ll never speak again,And you make your ruthless rulings.Each new enemy turns to steelThey become the bars that confine you,In your own little golden prison cell…But Darling, there is where you meet yourself.If you’re anything like meYou’ve grown to hate your prideTo love your thighsAnd no amount of friends at 25Will fill the empty seatsAt the lunch tables of your pastThe teams that picked you last…But Darling, you keep trying.If you’re anything like me,You couldn’t recognize the face of your loveUntil they stripped you of your shiny paintThrew your victory flag awayAnd you saw the ones who wanted you anyway…Darling, later on you will thank your starsfor that frightful day.If you’re anything like me,I’m sorry.But Darling, it’s going to be okay.”

“This was supposed to be yesterday. I was sitting on the Cardiff/London train, supposedly about to write this very column, and realising something quite terrible. My head was entirely empty. A vast echoing void. Bigger on the inside, but with nothing in it. You could drop a pebble in my brain and wait for an hour to hear it land. No actually, you couldn’t – that would be aggressive and unhelpful, so keep your damn pebbles to yourself.”