All Quotes By Tag: Humour
“Dresses won’t worn out in the wardrobe, but that is not what dresses are designed for.”
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“Dresses don’t look beautiful on hangers.”
“Fashion doesn’t make you perfect, but it makes you pretty.”
“It’s time to shop high heels if your fiance kisses you on the forehead.”
“Just because you don’t like peanut butter doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t like . . . peanuts.”
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“It’s better to be late…then late”
“Bob, he’s all action-packed-and-ready-to-go.”
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“We spend a huge chunk of our lives worrying about whether or not we will eventually get the person and/or the things we need or want. Once we get them, we spend the rest of our lives worrying about whether or not we will eventually lose them.”
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“We sometimes congratulate someone, not because we value or find worthy what they have just achieved, but only because we fear coming across as jealous.”
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“We are unable to discount the hypotheses that the world began three years ago.”
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“Six a.m.!” Xander cried. “I know that’s a number on my clock, but I’ve never actually been awake to personally witness it!”
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“Centuries ago, sailors on long voyages used to leave a pair of pigs on every deserted island. Or they’d leave a pair of goats. Either way, on any future visit, the island would be a source of meat. These islands, they were pristine. These were home to breeds of birds with no natural predators. Breeds of birds that lived nowhere else on earth. The plants there, without enemies they evolved without thorns or poisons. Without predators and enemies, these islands, they were paradise. The sailors, the next time they visited these islands, the only things still there would be herds of goats or pigs. Oyster is telling this story. The sailors called this “seeding meat.” Oyster says, “Does this remind you of anything? Maybe the ol’ Adam and Eve story?” Looking out the car window, he says, “You ever wonder when God’s coming back with a lot of barbecue sauce?”
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“Dwarfs were not a naturally religious species, but in a world where pit props could crack without warning and pockets of fire damp could suddenly explode they’d seen the need for gods as the sort of supernatural equivalent of a hard hat. Besides, when you hit your thumb with an eight-pound hammer it’s nice to be able to blaspheme. It takes a very special and strong-minded kind of atheist to jump up and down with their hand clasped under their other armpit and shout, “Oh, random-fluctuations-in-the-space-time-continuum!” or “Aaargh, primitive-and-outmoded-concept on a crutch!”
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“We could all use the power of prayer now and then, but it seems to me that the people who are sure they have a direct line to heaven are most often calling collect with bad news.”