All Quotes By Tag: Humour
“How can a man whose eyes are so close together be trusted?”
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“Look at yourself for a change! You’ll be counting the grains of rice I buy next! Talk about tight – Scrooge has nothing on you!”
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“Conscious of the way spinach has a habit of flaunting itself between front teeth, she packed tooth picks in her new clutch bag.”
“Remember what he said about my picture: I’m lovely and it made him do double cartwheels. Remember also that he’s prone to hyperbole, so don’t take everything he says literally.”
“Joanna swooned on hearing his voice and knew immediately that she would more than merely like him. Could be love at first type, she thought. It was a voice so luscious that only a hunk of a dreamboat could possess”
“Looking for my final love with someone who is ready to settle down. Of course dating is great initially, but I don’t wish to be dating indefinitely, so if you’re looking for an indefinite dating partner, please pass me by.”
“Can I get two coffees?’ Joanna cringed. That cashier ought to tell her straight that she may have two coffees, but she certainly can’t get them because customers aren’t allowed behind the counter!”
“Joe Spork opens the door. The man departs. Joe turns to Polly to say something about how they’re obviously not going to Portsmouth, and finds an oyster knife balanced on his cheek, just under his eye.“Can we be very clear,” Polly Cradle murmurs, “that I am not your booby sidekick or your Bond girl? That I am an independent supervillain in my own right?”Joe swallows. “Yes, we can,” he says carefully.“There will therefore be no more ‘Say hello, Polly’?”“There will not.”
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“They’re horrible little creatures. All snot and smelly feet and pestering questions.””Then why did you go into teaching?””It was either that or sit at home with Mother all day. I picked the lesser of two evils.”
“I shall now explain my plan. You may then speak, but only to amend the detail. The broad outline is not subject to negotiation. Are you ready? Good … I propose to have sex with you. I believe it will be excellent sex. Your obedience on one particular issue of timing it will be required to make it unforgettable sex. I will explain that issue as we go. At the moment, I wish to hear your inevitable objection to the general sex part of this plan.”
“Because, Jack, you volunteered to be taken down into eternal torment in place of her. This is the absolute minimum (unless I’m mistaken) that any female requires from her man.”
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“Darling, whose book is this to be?””Ostensibly yours, my sweet””I see — rather like my life since I met you?””Yes darling”
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“Just because he likes the same bizzaro crap as you doesn’t mean he’s your soul mate.”
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“When you’ve been around as long as me, Lucy, you’ll know that there are three types of sex… One – brand-new, kitchen-table sex. Two – bedroom sex. Then number three – hallway sex, when you pass each other in the hallway and say ‘Fuck you.'” – Lockie”
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“It is usually unbearably painful to read a book by an author who knows way less than you do, unless the book is a novel.”
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