All Quotes By Tag: Humour

“We could all use the power of prayer now and then, but it seems to me that the people who are sure they have a direct line to heaven are most often calling collect with bad news.”

“Look!” Hawkeye said. Duke looked where Hawkeye was pointing. In one corner, kneeling on the dirt floor with his elbows on his cot, a Bible in front of him, his lips moving slowly, and oblivious to all about him, was Major Jonathan Hobson.”Jesus,” Hawkeye said.”It don’t look like Him,” Duke said.”

“Hundreds of hysterical persons must confuse these phenomena with messages from the beyond and take their glory to the bishop rather than the eye doctor.”

“A Christian telling an atheist they’re going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they’re not getting any presents from Santa.”

“During the Bosnian war in the late 1990s, I spent several days traveling around the country with Susan Sontag and her son, my dear friend David Rieff. On one occasion, we made a special detour to the town of Zenica, where there was reported to be a serious infiltration of outside Muslim extremists: a charge that was often used to slander the Bosnian government of the time. We found very little evidence of that, but the community itself was much riven as between Muslim, Croat, and Serb. No faction was strong enough to predominate, each was strong enough to veto the other’s candidate for the chairmanship of the city council. Eventually, and in a way that was characteristically Bosnian, all three parties called on one of the town’s few Jews and asked him to assume the job. We called on him, and found that he was also the resident intellectual, with a natural gift for synthesizing matters. After we left him, Susan began to chortle in the car. ‘What do you think?’ she asked. ‘Do you think that the only dentist and the only shrink in Zenica are Jewish also?’ It would be dense to have pretended not to see her joke.”

“A halo is a cock ring for the soul.”

“I’m as religious as the next man – which is to say I’ll keep in with the local parson for form’s sake and read the lessons on feast-days because my tenants expect it, but I’ve never been fool enough to confuse religion with belief in God. That’s where so many clergymen… go wrong”

“It was masturbation, not willpower, that made it possible for gazillions of women to walk down the aisle with their reputation and their hymen still intact.”

“Some women have been faking orgasms for so long that they sometimes fake one when they are masturbating.”

“Sometimes the body gets out of bed an hour before the brain.”

“The awful part of the writing game is that you can never be sure the stuff is any good.”

“No, she laughed.” How on earth could that be done? If you try to laugh and say ‘No’ at the same time, it sounds like neighing — yet people are perpetually doing it in novels. If they did it in real life they would be locked up.”

“While an author is yet living we estimate his powers by his worst performance, and when he is dead we rate them by his best.”

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“A Goddess Adventure represents a combination of heart, head, and soul work”