Quotes By Author: Bill Watterson
“There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
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“CALVIN:Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien.”
“The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity.”
“[Calvin, who has the chicken pox, calls Susie on the telephone.] Susie: Hello? Calvin: Hi, Susie! It’s me, Calvin! I was wondering if you’d like to come over and play. Susie: Why, sure! Boy, I don’t think you’ve ever invited me to… Calvin’s Mom: Calvin, what are you doing? Calvin: Nothing, Mom. Go away. Calvin’s Mom: You’re contagious! You can’t have anyone over to play! Calvin: Shhhh! Shhhh! You’ll spoil the whole thing! I was going to trick Susie into catching… HEY! OW! LET GO! Susie: [Hanging up the phone] Any chance of getting transferred, Dad?”
“Specifically, I’d like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since it’s less wasteful.”
“Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I’d say our afternoon just got booked solid!”
“I’ve got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.”
“I liked things better when I didn’t understand them.”
“Years from now, when I’m successful and happy, …and he’s in prison… I hope I’m not too mature to gloat.”
“Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win! Calvin: You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when you win! Aarrggh! Mff! Gnnk! I hate this game! I hate the whole world! Aghhh! What a stupid game! You must have cheated! You must have used some sneaky, underhanded mindmeld to make me lose! I hate you! I didn’t want to play this idiotic game in the first place! I knew you’d cheat! I knew you’d win! Oh! Oh! Aarg! [Calvin runs in circles around Hobbes screaming “Aaaaaaaaaaaa”, then falls over.] Hobbes: Look, it’s just a game. Calvin: I know! You should see me when I lose in real life!”
“I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”
“That’s one of the remarkable things about life. It’s never so bad that it can’t get worse.”
“Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you’re just a reflection of him?”
“Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm’s Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”