Quotes By Author: Erma Bombeck

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.”

“When humor goes, there goes civilization.”

“A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.”

“Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.”

“Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. “Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?” Don’t you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?” Wasn’t there any change?”

“Written on her tombstone: “I told you I was sick.”

“Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.”

“Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.”

“Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.”

“Housework can kill you if done right.”

“I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food”

“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”

“When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”