“Lately the muse has been treating me like Ike treated Tina.”

“Writing is the dragon that lives underneath my floorboards. The one I incessantly feed for fear it may turn and devour my ass. Writing is the friend who doesn’t return my phone calls; the itch I’m unable to scratch; a dinner invitation from a cannibal; elevator music for a narcoleptic. Writing is the hope of lifting all boats by pissing in the ocean. Writing isn’t something that makes me happy like a good cup of coffee. It’s just something I do because not writing, as I’ve found, is so much worse.”

“One thing I love about politicians; they won’t allow the truth to be obscured by a bunch of facts.”

“I wish all those who’ve found God, would tell the rest of us where he’s been hiding.”

“If you’re gonna burn a bridge behind you, make sure you’ve crossed it first.”