All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.”

“Where are you going?””Nowhere special. I just have some… things to do.””Why did you pause?'”I’m sorry?””You paused. You have ‘some… things to do.'”No reason, I just–“”You’re up to something.””No–“”Then why’d you pause?””Get in the car.”She got in. He got in.”Seat belt,” he said.Why’d you pause?”His head drooped. “Because I’m up to somthing.””And why can’t I come with you?””Because it’s something sneaky.””Do you promise to tell me later?””I do.””Well all right then.” She clicked her seat belt into place. “Let’s go.”

“You just put that sword away, sir, please,” said the voice of Lance-Constable Vimes. “You will not shoot me, you young idiot. That would be murder,” said the captain calmly. “Not where I’m aiming, sir.”

“Bethany blinked. “Did you just hit me?” she asked, disbelief coloring her every feature.Skylar raised both hands, palms outward. “I come in peace!””You do not come in peace. You hit me.””I hit in peace!”

“Opinions are like onions. They spell similarly, usually have many layers, and tend to make people cry.”

“How did you kill the Ashman in the forest last year?”“I shot him with an arrow.”“What kind of arrow?”“A sharp one.”Nate rolled his eyes. “Really, dude? A sharp one?”

“I’ve won Satan’s lottery.”

“And Mega has a crush on Chester.””I do not!””Do too, Mega.””He’s like, old!””How old, Christian says.””Like at least thirty or something.”Lor laughs. ” Fucking ancient, ain’t it, kid?””Dude,” I agree. I like Lor.”

“The internet is just a world passing notes around a classroom.”

“Rich children are always blond, Jocelyn goes. It has to do with vitamins.”

“Well finish your story anyway.”Where was I?”The bubonic plague. The bulldozer was stalled by corpses.”Oh, yes. Anyway, one sleepless night I stayed up with Father while he worked. It was all we could do to find a live patient to treat. In bed after bed after bed we found dead people.And Father started giggling,” Castle continued.He couldn’t stop. He walked out into the night with his flashlight. He was still giggling. He was making the flashlight beam dance over all the dead people stacked outside. He put his hand on my head and do you know what that marvelous man said to me?” asked Castle.Nope.”‘Son,’ my father said to me, ‘someday this will all be yours.”

“Leo. Jason said, you’re wierd. Yeah, you tell me that a lot. Leo grinned. But if you don’t remember me, that means I can reuse all my old jokes. Come on!”

“Now lemme get this straight,” she said in a throaty, nasal voice. “You put the lime in the cocanut and drink ’em both up–whoa, long faces. What am I interrupting?”

“The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her if she is pretty, and to someone else if she is plain.”

“What’s the point of being a grown-up if you don’t get to be immature?”