All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“It’s all bullshit, folks and it’s bad for ya.”

“Housework won’t kill you, but then again, why take the chance?”

“If Marilyn Monroe was alive right now, what would she be doing?’Clawing at the roof of her coffin.”

“To say I had some pent-up anger would be like saying Britney Spears had minor impulse-control issues.”

“I don’t mind foreigners. God save the queen!” he squeaked and ran.”

“There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them.”

“Every time I annoy him he retreats into his No Mundanes Allowed tree house.” Simon pointed at Jace.”

“You can run from the grave, but you can’t hide.”

“Gordon Edgley’s sudden death came as a shock to everyone – not least himself. One moment he was in his study, seven words into the twenty-fifth sentence of the final chapter of his new book, And the Darkness Rained upon Them, and the next he was dead. A tragic loss, his mind echoed numbly as he slipped away.”

“CUSTOMER: Do you have this children’s book I’ve heard about? It’s supposed to be very good. It’s called “Lionel Richie and the Wardrobe.”

“Ransom really looked at the other man for the first time, shook his head, stared again. “Holy hell, your eyes are like a fucking viper’s.”Venom raised an eyebrow. “You have hair prettier than one of Astaad’s concubines.”Ransom gave the vampire the finger.Venom grinned.”

“I don’t know where people got the idea that characters in books are supposed to be likable. Books are not in the business of creating merely likeable characters with whom you can have some simple identification with. Books are in the business of creating great stories that make you’re brain go ahhbdgbdmerhbergurhbudgerbudbaaarr.”

“My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.”

“ ‘Tell Suzie she’s a lucky cat.’ Have sexier words ever been spoken?”

“I’m trying to make some sense out of the phrase “Everything happens for a reason,” and I think I’ve figured out what the reason is – to pissed me off.”