All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Every time I annoy him he retreats into his No Mundanes Allowed tree house.” Simon pointed at Jace.”

“There are situations in life which are beyond one. The sensible man realizes this, and slides out of such situations, admitting himself beaten. Others try to grapple with them, but it never does any good. When affairs get in a real tangle, it is best to sit still and let them straighten themselves out. Or, if one does not do that, simply to think no more about them. This is Philosophy. The true philosopher is the man who says “All right,” and goes to sleep in his arm-chair. One’s attitude towards Life’s Little Difficulties should be that of the gentleman in the fable, who sat down on an acorn one day and happened to doze. The warmth of his body caused the acorn to germinate, and it grew so rapidly that, when he awoke, he found himself sitting in the fork of an oak sixty feet from the ground. He thought he would go home, but, finding this impossible, he altered his plans. “Well, well,” he said, “if I cannot compel circumstances to my will, I can at least adapt my will to circumstances. I decide to remain here.” Which he did, and had a not unpleasant time. The oak lacked some of the comforts of home, but the air was splendid and the view excellent.Today’s Great Thought for Young Readers. Imitate this man.”

“I had a polynomial once. My doctor removed it.”

“Marry me, he says. I got all my own teeth, I wash twice a year an I’ll cut you in fer half the business here.”

“OK,” Josh said evenly, “I’ve seen men made of mud, I guess I can accept spying rats. Do they talk?” he wondered aloud.Don’t be ridiculous,” Flamel snapped, “They’re rats.”Josh really didn’t think it was a ridiculous suggestion.”

“How are you feeling?”I leaned away from him. “Gross.”Aiden frowned. “Gross?””I haven’t brushed my teeth or washed my face in days. Don’t come near me.”He laughed. “Alex, come on.””Seriously, I’m gross.” I put my hand over my mouth.Ignoring my protests, he leaned over and brushed my string hair back. “You’re as beautiful as always, Alex.”I stared at him. He must not get out much.”

“Do you find this…distracting?”

“If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?”

“To be, or not to be: what a question!”

“What a paradox it is, the sane causes more problems than the insane! It is! The real problems of the world do not come from the insane but, the sane!”

“Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.”

“I have never met any really wicked person before. I feel rather frightened. I am so afraid he will look just like every one else.”

“I hate women who complain about being fat when they’re like a size 5. Anything under size 5 isn’t a woman. It’s a boy with breasts.”

“Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing but nobody else does.”

“You couldn’t be satisfied with being an amateur asshole, could you, Jimbo! You had to go and turn pro on me!”