All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Pulling the chair out for me, he invited me to sit. I stood there wondering if I could sprint for the nearest exit. Stupid strappy shoes, I’d never make it. He leaned in close and whispered in my ear, “I know what you’re thinking, and I’m not going to let you escape again. You can either take a seat and have dinner with me like a normal date,” he grinned at his word choice, “or,” he paused thoughtfully then threatened, “you can sit on my lap while I force-feed you.”

“Actually I don’t remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.”

“Otrera stayed dead the second time,” Kinzie said, batting her eyes. “We have to thank you for that. If you ever need a new girlfriend…well, I think you’d look great in an iron collar and an orange jumpsuit.”Percy couldn’t tell if she was kidding or not. He politely thanked her and changed seats.”

“That’s it, cupcake. You’re going down.”

“Somewhere, the zebra is dancing.”

“Bad kitty!” he screeched, snarling and baring his fangs at Grimalkin, who yawned and turned away to groom his tail. “Evil, evil, sneaky kitty! Bite your head off in your sleep, I will! Hang you by your toes and set you on fire! Burn, Burn!”-Razor”

“Free your mind from routine, keep your brain somewhere else”

“Stupidity is much the same all the world over. A stupid person’s notions and feelings may confidently be inferred from those which prevail in the circle by which the person is surrounded. Not so with those whose opinions and feelings are an emanation from their own nature and faculties.”

“He had about the same life expectancy as a three legged hedgehog on a six lane motorway.”

“She gave Samuel a stern look. “Now, I don’t know what’s going on between you and my daughter and Adam Hauptman—”“Neither do we,” I muttered.Samuel grinned. “We have it pretty well worked out as far as the sex goes—Adam gets it—someday—and I don’t. But the rest is still up for negotiation.”“Samuel Cornick,” I sputtered in disbelief. “That is my mother.”

“There’s a meeting in Command. Disregard your current schedule,’ he says. ‘Done,’ I say.’Did you follow it at all today?’ he asks in exasperation.’Who knows? I’m mentally disoriented.’ I hold up my wrist to show my medical bracelet and realize it’s gone. ‘See? I can’t even remember they took my bracelet.’ (Katniss and Boggs)”

“I do not,” I felt oddly appalled by her statement. “I’m an excellent liar. Ask my dentist. He swears I floss regularly.”

“You can read minds, and you didn’t tell me?” Link stared at me like he just found out I was the Silver Surfer. He rubbed his head nervously. “Hey, man, all that stuff about Lena? I was yankin’ your chain.” He looked away. “Are you doin’ it now? You’re doin’ it, aren’t you? Dude, get out of my head.” He backed away from me and into the bookshelf.“I can’t read your mind, you idiot.”

“Oh that looked painful,” called another Puck, a little farther down. “We really need to talk about your anger-management problems.”

“It’s all bullshit, folks and it’s bad for ya.”