All Quotes By Tag: Sarcasm

“So many authors, so little time to disqualify them!”

“Well, it just figures,” Younger told him, like a man explaining his religion.”

“Oh no, praying is great, without it the thumbscrews and the Iron Maiden probably never would have been invented.”

“In the beginning there was the Word. Then we broke it.”

“Repeat a lie a thousand times and it become a successful political campaign.”

“I need to ask, are you afraid of spiders?”Nicholas blinked, suddenly caught off guard, “Yes, I’m afraid of spiders.””Were you always?””What are you, a psychiatrist?”Pritam took a breath. He could feel Laine’s eyes on him, appraising his line of questioning.”Is it possible that the trauma of losing your best friend as a child and the trauma of losing your wife as an adult and the trauma of seeing Laine’s husband take his life in front of you just recently…” Pritam shrugged and raised his palms, “You see where I’m going?”Nicholas looked at Laine. She watched back. Her gray eyes missed nothing.”Sure,” agreed Nicholas, standing. “And my sister’s nuts, too, and we both like imagining that little white dogs are big nasty spiders because our daddy died and we never got enough cuddles.””Your father died?” asked Laine. “When?””Who cares?”Pritam sighed. “You must see this from our point of – “”I’d love to!” snapped Nicholas. “I’d love to see it from your point of view, because mine is not that much fun! It’s insane! It’s insane that I see dead people, Pritam! It’s insane that this,” he flicked out the sardonyx necklace,”stopped me from kidnapping a little girl!””That’s what you believe,” Pritam said carefully.”That’s what I fucking believe!” Nicholas stabbed his finger through the air at the dead bird talisman lying slack on the coffee table.”

“The over-weight and out of shape guy who owned the house had apparently decided that having a half-million dollar house meant that he couldn’t afford to hire someone to clean out his gutters. Now he was dead with what looked to me like a broken neck after the ladder had slipped. He’d taken the plunge into his fancy landscaping—complete with rock garden. But hey, his fucking gutters were clean.”

“Hey,” he said. “Hi.” Oh, damn. It was awkward.“What’re you doing?”“Shearing a sheep. It’s cold outside, and I need a new hat.”He paused. “You’re joking, right?”“Yes, Marshall.” I gnawed on my fingers some more and sunk back in my chair.”

“Was she on some sort of Candid Camera version of This is Your Sucky Love Life?”

“You’re supposed to pinch yourself – not the one you’re dreaming about.”

“Not that I knew who you were until last month. But now that I’ve got you, I’m not letting you go.””You’re not?”Blake stared at her in irritated confusion. What was her game? “Do you think I’m an idiot?” he spat out.”No,” she said. “I’ve just escaped from a den of idiots, so I’m well familiar with the breed, and you’re something else entirely. I am, however, hoping you’re not a terribly good shot.”

“At this time of year it’s easy to forget the true meaning of Christianity – the lies, the corruption, the abuse.”

“I thought about suicide all the time, but it seemed toomuch effort, swallowing all those pills or jumping off things. If I’d lived out in the country I would have found a quiet stretch of railway track, and lain on it, fallen asleep, so that I would never have known when my last moment came. In London, the minimum tube fare had gone up so much that even to get near the line cost a fortune. Suicide seemed an extravagance I couldn’t afford. People never leave you alone, either; I knew that if I’d tried to lie down on the line, any number of commuters would have pulled me off again, so that I didn’t delay their train. There must have been murderers out there who wanted to kill, with no way of finding those who wanted to be dead. If there had been some way of contacting them, a date-with-death line, I would have called them to set up a meeting. The current ways of death seemed too haphazard; it was all left up to chance. Had Chance come up, tapped me on the shoulder, said “Oi, you – long black tunnel, white light, off you go,” I wouldn’t have complained. It was like having frostbite all over – feeling numb and in pain at the same time.”

“I have church on Sunday.”“Of course you do.”“You’re welcome to come along.”“Thanks, but I’m allergic to incense.”“That’s a shame.”“It’s the bane of my existence.”- Beth and Jake”

“If time is money and you wasted my time, then give me back my money!”