Quotes By Author: Dorothy Parker

“Hold your pen and spare your voice.”

“The TriflerDeath’s the lover that I’d be taking;Wild and fickle and fierce is he.Small’s his care if my heart be breaking-Gay young Death would have none of me.Hear them clack of my haste to greet him!No one other my mouth had kissed.I had dressed me in silk to meet him-False young Death would not hold the tryst.Slow’s the blood that was quick and stormy,Smooth and cold is the bridal bed;I must wait till he whistles for me-Proud young Death would not turn his head.I must wait till my breast is wilted.I must wait till my back is bowed,I must rock in the corner, jilted-Death went galloping down the road.Gone’s my heart with a trifling rover.Fine he was in the game he played-Kissed, and promised, and threw me over,And rode away with a prettier maid.”

“It costs me never a stab nor squirm / To tread by chance upon a worm. / Aha, my little dear, / I say, Your clan will pay me back one day.”

“And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word.”

“I hate writing, I love having written.”

“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”

“If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks that cause me pains :)”

“Why is it no one sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it’s always just my luck to get one perfect rose.”

“Be you wise and never sad,You will get your lovely lad.Never serious be, nor true,And your wish will come to you–And if that makes you happy, kid,You’ll be the first it ever did.”

“She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.”

“The two most beautiful words in the English language are ‘cheque enclosed.”

“Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.”

“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”

“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”

“Four be the things I’d have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.”