Quotes By Author: Ellen DeGeneres

“I hope I make people feel better. I hope I take people out of their situations a little bit and make them happier. That’s really why I do what I do.”

“One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.”

“Take a nap in a fireplace and you’ll sleep like a log.”

“Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.”

“Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe’s way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. Listen to the music. Whoa whoa, listen to the music. Because music makes the people come together, it makes the bourgeois and the rebel. So come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody try to love one another. Because what the world needs now is love, sweet love. And I know that love is a battlefield, but boogie on reggae woman because you’re gonna make it after all. So celebrate good times, come on. I’ve gotta stop I’ve gotta come to my senses, I’ve been out riding fences for so long… oops I did it again… um… What I’m trying to say is, if you leave tonight and you don’t remember anything else that I’ve said, leave here and remember this: Procrastinate now, don’t put it off. ”

“Things will get easier, people’s minds will change, and you should be alive to see it.”

“I’m a godmother, that’s a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that’s cute, I taught her that.”

“Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.”

“I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.”

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”

“You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that’s how it’s spelled.”