Quotes By Author: Steve Martin

“It’s so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it’s like, religion, you really can’t take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary…but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything anymore if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.”

“I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.”

“Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.”

“I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.”

“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.”

“Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.”

“You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.”

“I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.”

“I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you’re an idiot.”

“Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”

“Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything.”

“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”

“I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.”

“Some people have a way with words, and other people…oh, uh, not have way.”

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”