All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“The more fucked up you are, the more I like you. As long as you’ve managed to hold onto your identity through all the shit, then it won’t matter how twisted you are. I will love you more for it.”

“Here’s a newsflash from the only High Preistess you have left at this dang school: Zoey isn’t dead. And believe me, I know dead. I’ve been there, done that, and got the frickin’ T-shirt.” – Stevie Rae”

“There was a dragon who had a long-standing obsession with a queen’s breasts,” she said, growing breathless. “The dragon knew the penalty to touch her would mean death, yet he revealed his secret desire to the king’s chief doctor. This man promised he could arrange for the dragon to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him one thousand gold coins.” She spread her soapy hands over his nipples, then down his arms. “Though he didn’t have the money, the dragon readily agreed to the scheme.”Grace,” Darius moaned, his erection straining against her stomach.She hid her smile, loving that she had this much power over such a strong man. That she, Grace Carlyle, made him ache with longing. “The next day the physician made a batch of itching powder and poured some into the queen’s bra… uh, you might call it a brassiere… while she bathed. After she dressed, she began itching and itching and itching. The physician was summoned to the Royal Chambers, and he informed the king and queen that only a special saliva, if applied for several hours, would cure this type of itch. And only a dragon possessed this special saliva.” Out of breath, she paused.Continue,” Darius said. His arms wound around her so tightly she could barely breathe. His skin blazed hot against hers, hotter than even the steamy water.Are you sure?”Continue.” Taut lines bracketed his mouth.Well, the king summoned the dragon. Meanwhile, the physician slipped him the antidote for the itching powder, which the dragon put into his mouth, and for the next few hours, the dragon worked passionately on the queen’s breasts.Anyway,” she said, reaching around him and lathering the muscled mounds of his butt, “the queen’s itching was eventually relieved, and the dragon left satisfied and touted as a hero.”This does not sound like a joke,” Darius said.I’m getting to the punch line. Hang on. When the physician demanded his payment, the now satisfied dragon refused. He knew that the physician could never report what really happened to the king. So the next day, the physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the king’s loincloth. And the king immediately summoned the dragon.”-Heart of the Dragon”

“She led the way. Eyeless sockets of the dead seemed to stare at them as they passed. “These are cool,” Dan decided. “Maybe I could-“”No, Dan,” Amy said. “You can’t collect human bones.””Awww.”

“My Head of House said I lacked certain necessary qualities…like the ability to behave myself.”

“I don’t know about your true form, but the weight of your ego sure is pushing the crust of the earth toward the breaking point.”

“Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. ”

“Everything not forbidden is compulsory”

“There are always some lunatics about. It would be a dull world without them.”

“Writer’s block is only a failure of the ego.”

“Ichigo: You got that? Huh?! I’m the rescuer, so you just SHUT UP!!Rukia: Wha–wha’d you say? A rescuer isn’t supposed to ignore the rescuee!Ichigo: Yeah? And what kind of rescuee complains about the rescue!? Why don’t you go sit in a corner and tremble in fear and cry out “Save me! Save me!” like you’re supposed to?!Rukia: I do not need saving, and I do NOT tremble!”

“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”

“I’m about as intimidating as a butterfly.”

“Stick your dick in’?” I asked, my brows probably touching. “Did you actually just say that?” “Make love. I meant make love … of course. I would never just stick my dick in you. I would make mad, passionate love to this sweet, sweet body of yours for days, no, weeks. It would be beautiful, pumpkin. There’d be little angels, and birdies, and you know … all just hanging around, watching. Perverts.”

“When she scooped up her clothes, opened his door, then snapped her fingers for a guard down the hall, Wroth watched like a bystander. “Pssst. Minion. I need these laundered. Very little starch. Don’t just stand there gawking or you’ll anger my good frenemy General Wroth. We’re like this.”He couldn’t see her but knew she was twining two fingers together.”