All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love, and regrettedmost of them, but never the potatoes that went with them.”

“Who, last time I’d checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It’s kind of sad.)”

“You are evidence of your mother’s strength, especially if you are a rebellious knucklehead and regardless she has always maintained her sanity.”

“It’s so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it’s like, religion, you really can’t take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary…but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything anymore if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.”

“I’ve always known I was gay, but it wasn’t confirmed until I was in kindergarten.It was my teacher who said so. It was right there on my kindergarten report card: PAUL IS DEFINITELY GAY AND HAS VERY GOOD SENSE OF SELF.”

“There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva”

“The secret to humor is surprise.”

“A few dud universes can really clutter up your basement.”

“Smartass Disciple: Master, do you really believe in the second chance?Master of Stupidity: That supports the basis of lost-then-found concept.”

“A Short Alternative Medical DictionaryDefinitions courtesy of Dr Lemuel Pillmeister (also known as Lemmy)Addiction – When you can give up something any time, as long as it’s next Tuesday.Cocaine – Peruvian Marching Powder. A stimulant that has the extraordinary effect that the more you do, the more you laugh out of context.Depression – When everything you laugh at is miserable and you can’t seem to stop.Heroin – A drug that helps you to escape reality, while making it much harder to cope when you are recaptured.Psychosis – When everybody turns into tiny dolls and they have needles in their mouths and they hate you and you don’t care because you have THE KNIFE! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“I’m calling it the Watney Triangle because after what I’ve been through, shit on Mars should be named after me.”

“When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.”

“love make us poets, and the approach of death should make us philosophers.”

“If everyone wants to be somebody, I want to be somebody else”

“Laughter is the hand of God on the shoulder of a troubled world.”