All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Bursar?””Yes, Archchancellor?””You ain’t a member of some secret society or somethin’, are you?””Me? No, Archchancellor.””Then it’d be a damn good idea to take your underpants off your head.”

“That’s the problem with you nearly immortal types,” I said. “You couldn’t spot a pop culture reference if it skittered up and implanted an embryo down your esophagus.”

“Snoring keeps the monsters away.”

“Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes its time, and gets to know everyone personally. —T-SHIRT”

“The last time I wore an animal hide; but this time I settled for this.” Eric had been wearing a long trench coat. Now he threw it off dramatically, and I could only stand and stare. Normally, Eric was a blue-jeans-and-T-shirt kind of guy. Tonight, he wore a pink tank top and Lycra leggings[…]They were pink and aqua, like the swirls down the side of Jason’s truck.”

“What doesn’t kill us makes us funnier.”

“Yeah you can have a word,” said Harry savagely. “Good-bye.”

“Yes Headwoman Azaze. But I never lie to Rosethorn. She, um, discourages it.””Evvy and I have an understanding.” She grabbed the teakettle and poured hot water into the mug. “She tells me the truth, and I don’t hang her in the first well we come to. It’s a solution that works tolerably well for both of us.”

“It’s the idea that people living close to nature tend to be noble. It’s seeing all those sunsets that does it. You can’t watch a sunset and then go off and set fire to your neighbor’s tepee. Living close to nature is wonderful for your mental health.”

“I like pink.”Lucius sniffed. “It’s just red’s sorry, weak cousin.”

“hermes has threatened me with slow mail. lousy Internet service and a horrible stock market if i publish this story. I hope he is just bluffing.”

“If you fail to report within the next 12 hours. you will be terminated. If you attack any humans, you will be terminated. If you attempt to remove the tracking device, you will be terminated. We look forward to working with you.”

“I bet,” said Mulch, “that you would set the world on fire just to watch it burn.”Opal tapped the suggestion into a small electronic notepad on her pocket computer.Thanks for that. Now, tell me everything.”

“We seemed to be trapped in an episode of One Life To Waste. It’s all very dull.”

“My parents are going to kill me!””That seems rather harsh…”