All Quotes By Tag: Humor
“Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.”
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“Likest thou jelly within thy doughnut?”
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“The more you talk about it, rehash it, rethink it, cross analyze it, debate it, respond to it, get paranoid about it, compete with it, complain about it, immortalize it, cry over it, kick it, defame it, stalk it, gossip about it, pray over it, put it down or dissect its motives it continues to rot in your brain. It is dead. It is over. It is gone. It is done. It is time to bury it because it is smelling up your life and no one wants to be near your rotted corpse of memories and decaying attitude. Be the funeral director of your life and bury that thing!”
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“You want sensitive and understanding, stick with the therapist.You want great,headbanging sex, get off the fucking phone and come with me.”
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“How ghastly for her, people actually thinking, with their brains, and right next door. Oh, the travesty of it all.”
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“Butch tightened his grip on his cell and wished there were an app that let you reach through a phone and bitch slap someone.”
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“Wild!” Ron said, twiddling the replay knob on the side. “I can make that old bloke down there pick his nose again… and again… and again…”
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“If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.”
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“One morning you wake up with more life behind you than in front of you, not being able to understand how it’s happened.”
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“My teacher asked my favorite color. … I said ‘Rainbow’…. and I was punished to stand out of my class.”
“I wish we could make out in your bed.”Noah sighed. “As do I, but I’m afraid we have ritual burning to conduct.””It’s always something.””Isn’t it though?”
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“I have detected disturbances in the wash.”The wash?”The space-time wash.”Are we talking about some sort of Vogon laundromat, or what are we talking about?”Eddies in the space-time continuum.”Ah…is he. Is he.”What?”Er, who is Eddy, then, exactly?”
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“Kalle Fucking Blomkvist”
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“Bishops move diagonally. That’s why they often turn up where the kings don’t expect them to be.”
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“It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do. Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting one. Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.”
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