Quotes By Author: Douglas Adams

“He had seen the whole Universe stretching to infinity around him—everything. And with it had come the clear and extraordinary knowledge that he was the most important thing in it. Having a conceited ego is one thing. Actually being told by a machine is another.”

“In the center lay the exploded carcass of a lonely sperm whale that hadn’t lived long enough to be disappointed with its lot.”

“They found a coin and helped him to the telescope. He complained and insulted them, but they helped him look at each individual letter in turn. The first letter was a ‘w,’ the second an ‘e.’ Then there was a gap. An ‘a’ followed, then a ‘p,’ an ‘o,’ and an ‘l.’Marvin paused for a rest.After a few moments they resumed and let him see the ‘o,’ the ‘g,’ the ‘i,’ the ‘z,’ and the ‘e.’The next two words were ‘for’ and ‘the.’ The last one was a long one, and Marvin needed another rest before the could tackle it.It started with ‘i,’ then ‘n,’ then ‘c.’ Next came an ‘o’ and an ‘n,’ followed by a ‘v,’ an ‘e,’ another ‘n,’ and an ‘i.’After a final pause, Marvin gathered his strength for the last stretch.He read the ‘e,’ the ‘n,’ the ‘c,’ and at last the final ‘e,’ and staggered back into their arms.’I think,’ he murmured at last from deep within his corroding, rattling thorax, ‘I feel good about it.’The lights went out in his eyes for absolutely the very last time ever.”

“But unless we determine to take action,’ said the old man querulously, as if struggling against something deeply insouciant in his nature, ‘then we shall all be destroyed, we shall all die. Surely we care about that?’ ‘Not enough to want to get killed over it,’ said Ford.”

“Unfortunately this Electric Monk had developed a fault, and had started to believe all kinds of things, more or less at random. It was even beginning to believe things they’d have difficulty believing in Salt Lake City.”

“The argument goes something like this: “I refuse to prove that I exist,” says God, “for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.”

“He felt a spasm of excitement because he knew instinctively who it was, or at least knew who it was he wanted it to be, and once you know what it is you want to be true, instinct is a very useful device for enabling you to know that it is.”

“Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?”

“A doctor, a logician and a marine biologist had also just arrived, flown in at phenomenal expense from Maximegalon to try to reason with the lead singer who had locked himself in the bathroom with a bottle of pills and was refusing to come out till it could be proved conclusively to him that he wasn’t a fish. The bass player was busy machine-gunning his bedroom and the drummer was nowhere on board.Frantic inquiries led to the discovery that he was standing on a beach on Santraginus V over a hundred light years away where, he claimed, he had been happy for over half an hour now and had found a small stone that would be his friend.”

“This planet has – or rather had – a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn’t the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.”

“I’d far rather be happy than right any day.”

“Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”

“Your God person puts an apple tree in the middle of a garden and says, do what you like, guys, oh, but don’t eat the apple. Surprise surprise, they eat it and he leaps out from behind a bush shouting “Gotcha”. It wouldn’t have made any difference if they hadn’t eaten it.”Why not?”Because if you’re dealing with somebody who has the sort of mentality which likes leaving hats on the pavement with bricks under them you know perfectly well they won’t give up. They’ll get you in the end.”

“God’s Final Message to His Creation:’We apologize for the inconvenience.”

“Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind-bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God.The argument goes something like this: “I refuse to prove that I exist,'” says God, “for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.””But,” says Man, “The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn’t it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don’t. QED.””Oh dear,” says God, “I hadn’t thought of that,” and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.”Oh, that was easy,” says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.”