All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“I am human and I need to be loved,just like everybody else does.”

“While browsing in a second-hand bookshop one day, George Bernard Shaw was amused to find a copy of one of his own works which he himself had inscribed for a friend: “To —-, with esteem, George Bernard Shaw.”He immediately purchased the book and returned it to the friend with a second inscription: “With renewed esteem, George Bernard Shaw.”

“Normal people can become very annoying if put in annoying situations.”

“Take a nap in a fireplace and you’ll sleep like a log.”

“Har. Bloody. Har.”

“I believe it was Shakespeare, or possibly Howard Cosell, who first observed that marriage is very much like a birthday candle, in that ‘the flames of passion burn brightest when the wick of intimacy is first ignited by the disposable butane lighter of physical attraction, but sooner or later the heat of familiarity causes the wax of boredom to drip all over the vanilla frosting of novelty and the shredded coconut of romance.’ I could not have phrased it better myself.”

“Hearing nuns’ confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.”

“There’s no room for demons when you’re self-possessed.”

“We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.”

“If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.”

“First bubble baths. Now Disney parks. You’re shattering every creep vampire myth I’ve ever heard.”

“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”

“Of course, everyone’s parents are embarrassing. It goes with the territory. The nature of parents is to embarrass merely by existing, just as it is the nature of children of a certain age to cringe with embarrassment, shame, and mortification should their parents so much as speak to them on the street. ”

“People who didn’t need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn’t need people.”

“Are you guys busy?” Juniper asked. “Well,” I said, “we’re in the middle of this game against a bunch of monsters and we’re trying not to die.” “We’re not busy,” Annabeth said.”