All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.”

“So you were going to rescue the Prince! Why did you pretend to run away? To deceive the Witch?””Not likely! I’m a coward. Only way I can do something this frightening is to tell myself I’m not doing it!”

“The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn’t be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?”

“If you’re anorexic, you’re doing it wrong.”I swat him with a dish towel. “No, no, I mean anorexics look in the mirror, and even if they’re eighty pounds, they still see a fat girl. I’m a hundred pounds heavier than I was in high school, my veins are full of creme fraiche, and yet I look in the mirror, take in the hair and makeup, and think, Damn, baby, you fiiine.”

“I’d been willing to kill for the people I loved for a very long time; now I had to start living for them.”

“I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”

“Finding a life partner is like choosing a bed. You need one as a friend either in times of health or sickness. Freshness or weariness. Happiness or sadness. And we can be certain that we’ve picked the right one without having to sleep with it first.”

“There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous andshallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said ‘Faith is believing what youknow ain’t so’.”

“You didn’t have to come after me.””Yes, I did,” he said. “You’re far too inexperienced to protect yourself in a hostile situation without me.””That’s sweet. Maybe I’ll forgive you.””Forgive me? Fro what?””Fro telling me to shut up.”His eyes narrowed. “I did not… Well, I did, But you were-“”Never mind.”

“Apparently, dancing for him and throwing herself at him weren’t enough. Apparently, she had to nearly commit murder to arouse him enough to attack her.”

“A dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”

“I gave him my best cryptic smile. He did not fall down to his feet, kiss my shoes, and promise me the world. I must be getting rusty.”

“Gimme an S! A T! An O! A C! Followed by a K-H-O-L-M! What’s it spell? HEAD FUCK.- Jane”

“Don’t mess with a wizard when he’s wizarding!”

“I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. –Stephanie Plum”