All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“If reassurances could dull pain, nobody would ever go to the trouble of pressing grapes.”

“Ask any guy if sex is important in a relationship and the one who says no is lying. I just haven’t met that guy yet. When you meet him, let’s get him in to the Smithsonian – he’s that special and rare.”

“You don’t need a search warrant to go through someone’s trash. Seriously. Once it hits the curb it is totally fair game-you an look it up.”

“Principled hate is a hell of a lot stronger than “Boy, I wish you hadn’t mummified me and thrown me into the lake” hate.”

“Before I could lose my courage, I said, “Don’t I get a kiss for luck? It’s kind of a tradition, right?”I figured she would punch me. Instead, she drew her knife and stared at the army marching toward us. “Come back alive, Seaweed Brain. Then, we’ll see.”

“Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? or, having it, is satisfied?”

“Mulling this over, Vlad wiped her lip gloss from his lips with the back of his hand.Vampires, after all, didn’t sparkle.”

“The sh*t’s gonna splatter, start buggin, yo…”Mencheres to Cat”

“Yo, beautiful. Come pop this collar off me.”Natalya hissed, “Are you mad?”“What’s she gonna do? Vivisect me? Imprison me? We’ve got a pact to fulfill,remember?” To Dorada, she cried, “Seriously, sweetheart, shake that mummified ass over here.”Regin kicked the glass. “Lemme the fuck out—”La Dorada swung her head around,peering at Regin with her one eye.“Okay. That’s freaky. Lookit, Gollum, if you spring me, I’ll help you find your Precious.”

“You can’t give her that!’ she screamed. ‘It’s not safe!’IT’S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY’RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.’She’s a child!’ shouted Crumley.IT’S EDUCATIONAL.’What if she cuts herself?’THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.”

“An untied shoelace can be dangerous,’ he said.’I could have tripped.’She stared at him. A moment dragged by.’I’m joking,’ he said at last.She relaxed. ‘Really?”Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I’m far too graceful.”

“I’ll go,” he said.”And that’s safer because?””I’m a guy.””Right, and having a pair of dingle balls makes you invincible how?”

“Whenever I think of something but can’t think of what it was I was thinking of, I can’t stop thinking until I think I’m thinking of it again. I think I think too much.”

“Wit is educated insolence.”

“Save your explanations, I got some questions for you first and you’d better answer them!’ [slurred Hellian.] ‘With what?’ [Banaschar] sneered. ‘Explanations?’ ‘No. Answers. There’s a difference-‘ ‘Really? How? What difference?’ ‘Explanations are what people use when they need to lie. Y’can always tell those,’cause those don’t explain nothing and then they look at you like they just cleared things up when really they did the opposite and they know it and you know it and they know you know and you know they know that you know and they know you and you know them and maybe you go out for a pitcher later but who picks up the tab? That’s what I want to know.’ ‘Right, and answers?’ ‘Answers is what I get when I ask questions. Answers is when you got no choice. I ask, you tell. I ask again, you tell some more. Then I break your fingers, ’cause I don’t like what you’re telling me, because those answers don’t explain nothing!”