All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Good-humor is a philosophic state of mind; it seems to say to Nature that we take her no more seriously than she takes us. I maintain that one should always talk of philosophy with a smile.”

“She’ll be back,” Ranger said. “But not tonight.”[Stephanie] “How’d you get her to leave?””Told her I was gonna spend the next twelve hours ruining you for all other men, and so she might as well go home.”I could feel the heat rush to my face.Ranger gave me the wolf smile. “I lied about it being tonight,” he said.”

“Every time you come in yelling that God damn “Rise and Shine!” “Rise and Shine!” I say to myself, “How lucky dead people are!”

“You want to change? Lose the bitch. Be nicer to people. Stop telling them to “bite you” and threatening to kick them until they’re dead.”

“In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness.”

“Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.”

“Kami said, “I want you to go in there and vamp that receptionist.””What?” Ash said blankly.”You know,” Kami said. “Dazzle her with your charms. Rock her world. Go on.”[…] “What,” Ash said, “all of us?””Do you want to stand around trying to guess if she likes pretty boys or rough trade?” Jared asked, gesturing lazily from Ash to himself.”Excuse me, what did you just call yourself?” Ash demanded. “No, wait a second, I don’t care. What did you just call me?”

“My bookcase is all yours.”I walked to the door. “I’ve just decided that those are my favorite five words in the world.”

“A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat.”

“I am your sire. I am to guide you through your first days as a vampire. Your first feeding is a rite of passage, a sacrament. It will not be wasted on some hormone-driven frenzy. This is why I wanted you to feed from me.”“I will not drink it in a house, I will not drink it with a mouse. I will not drink it here or there, I will not drink it anywhere,” I wheezed, hoping I was able to communicate adequate sarcasm through the crippling belly cramps.“Did you just quote Green Eggs and Ham?”

“i told you he’d freak out, she siad. didn’t i?ah, the i told you so, jace said. always a classy move”

“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”

“You know how spooky Ashwini is. She called an hour ago to tell me she has a secret stash of handheld grenade launchers she thought I might want to know about. My response was, ‘What the fuck?”

“I have a great mind to believe in Christianity for the mere pleasure of fancying I may be damned.”

“Niall had been able to mask the odor of fairy from Eric in the restaurant, but I saw from the flare of Eric’s nostrils that the intoxicating scent clung to me. Eric’s eyes closed in ecstasy, and he actually licked his lips. I felt like a T-bone just out of reach of a hungry dog. “Snap out of it,” I said. I wasn’t in the mood.With a huge effort, Eric reigned himself in. “When you smell like that,” he said, “I just wanna fuck you and bite you and rub myself all over you.”