All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.”

“It is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are they the result of previous study?”

“They say: Think twice before you jump. I say: Jump first and then think as much as you want!”

“Morning is an important time of day, because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to have. For instance, if you wake up to the sound of twittering birds, and find yourself in an enormous canopy bed, with a butler standing next to you holding a breakfast of freshly made muffins and hand-squeezed orange juice on a silver tray, you will know that your day will be a splendid one. If you wake up to the sound of church bells, and find yourself in a fairly big regular bed, with a butler standing next to you holding a breakfast of hot tea and toast on a plate, you will know that your day will be O.K. And if you wake up to the sound of somebody banging two metal pots together, and find yourself in a small bunk bed, with a nasty foreman standing in the doorway holding no breakfast at all, you will know that your day will be horrid.”

“When he finished, he drank from the cup. Everyone else did too, so I followed suit.And nearly choked to death.It was like fire in liquid form. It took every ounce of strength I had to swallow it and not spray it on those around me.”Wh…what is this?” I asked, coughing.Viktoria grinned. “Vodka.”I peered at the glass. “No, it isn’t. I’ve had vodka before.””Not Russian vodka.”Apparently not.”

“Simple. I got very bored and depressed, so I went and plugged myself in to its external computer feed. I talked to the computer at great length and explained my view of the Universe to it,” said Marvin.”And what happened?” pressed Ford.”It committed suicide,” said Marvin and stalked off back to the Heart of Gold.”

“The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.”

“Check out that one at the end. He’s taken the form of a footstool. Weird…but somehow I like his style.””That is a footstool.”

“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”

“How do you feel right now?” “I hurt like hell.””You’ll feel worse tomorrow.””So?””So, better get a jump on this while you still feel…not as bad.””What kind of logic is that?” I retorted.”

“I like to write when I feel spiteful. It is like having a good sneeze.”(Letter to Cynthia Asquith, November 1913)”

“Captain! To your left there’s a Lunar guard and on your right is a doctor who’s running tests on Lunars and I’m being held by one of Levana’s wolf hybrids and please be careful!”Thorne took a step back into the hallway a gun from his waistband. He spent a moment swiveling the barrel of the gun in each direction, but nobody moved to attack him.With some surprise, Cress realized that the operative’s grip had weakened.“Er…” Thorne furrowed his brow, aiming the gun somewhere near the window. “Could you describe all those threats again because I feel like I missed something.”

“The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks.”

“Kenji has a hand pressed to his mouth, desperately trying to suppress a smile. He’s shaking his head, holding up a hand in apology. And then he breaks, laughing out loud, snorting as he tries to muffle the sound. “I’m sorry,” he says, pressing his lips together, shaking his head again. “This is not a funny moment. It’s not. I’m not laughing”

“I was supposed to be waiting up here when you got back, only your Phoenix lot got in the way…”“Yes, they do that,” said Dumbledore.”