All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“It is worth repeating at this point the theories that Ford had come up with, on his first encounter with human beings, to account for their peculiar habit of continually stating and restating the very very obvious, as in “It’s a nice day,” or “You’re very tall,” or “So this is it, we’re going to die.”His first theory was that if human beings didn’t keep exercising their lips, their mouths probably shriveled up.After a few months of observation he had come up with a second theory, which was this–“If human beings don’t keep exercising their lips, their brains start working.”

“You’re not right in the head, and nor am I, and this is why….this is why I like you.”

“Glaring at the doctor, Kev spoke in Romany. “Ka xlia ma pe tute” (I’m going to shit on you.)”Which means,” Rohan said hastily, “‘Please forgive the misunderstanding; let’s part as friends.'””Te malavel les i menkiva,” Kev added for good measure. (May you die of a malignant wasting disease.)”Roughly translated,” Rohan said, “that means, ‘May your garden be filled with fine, fat hedgehogs.’ Which, I may add, is considered quite a blessing among the Rom.”

“An alcoholic is someone you don’t like, who drinks as much as you do.”

“I am not always good and noble. I am the hero of this story, but I have my off moments.”

“If she can’t spell, why is she a librarian? Librarians should know how to spell.”

“Leo,” Hazel gasped, “I can’t—my arms—”“Hazel,” he said. “Do you trust me?”“No!”“Me neither,” Leo admitted.”

“Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.”

“I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English―it is the modern way and the best way. Stick to it; don’t let fluff and flowers and verbosity creep in. When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don’t mean utterly, but kill most of them―then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are wide apart. An adjective habit, or a wordy, diffuse, flowery habit, once fastened upon a person, is as hard to get rid of as any other vice.”

“He couldn’t see why people made such a fuss about people eating their silly old fruit anyway, but life would be a lot less fun if they didn’t. And there was never an apple, in Adam’s opinion, that wasn’t worth the trouble you got into for eating it.”

“I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I’m in the wrong building.”

“What’s another word for thesaurus?”

“You, Ms. Lane, are a menace to others! A walking, talking catastrophe in pink!”

“As I got closer to the fence, I held my shirt over my nose to block the smell. One stallion waded through the muck and whinnied angrily at me. He bared his teeth, which were pointed like a bear’s.I tried to talk to him in my mind. I can do that with most horses.Hi, I told him. I’m going to clean your stables. Won’t that be great?Yes! The horse said. Come inside! Eat you! Tasty half-blood!But I’m Poseidon’s son, I protested. He created horses.Usually this gets me VIP treatment in the equestrian world, not this time.Yes! The horse agreed enthusiastically. Poseidon can come in, too! We will eat you both! Seafood!Seafood! The other horses chimed in as they waded through the field.”

“Do I look stupid?” snarled Uncle Vernon, a bit of fried egg dangling from his bushy mustache.”