All Quotes By Tag: Humor
“Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.”
“Before I speak, I have something important to say.”
-
“The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life.”
-
“There are few sources of energy so powerful as a procrastinating college student.”
-
“[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.] Calvin: Ha! I’ve got a great word and it’s on a “Double word score” box! Hobbes: “ZQFMGB” isn’t a word! It doesn’t even have a vowel! Calvin: It is so a word! It’s a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that! Hobbes: I’m looking it up. Calvin: You do, and I’ll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js! Hobbes: What’s your score for ZQFMGB? Calvin: 957.”
-
“Humor was a good way to hide the pain.”
-
“Rae burned me. She has matches or something. Look, look…” Tori pulled down the collar of her T-shirt. “Leave your cloths on, Tori,” Simon said, raising his hands to his eyes. “Please.”
-
“Hazel!” he yelled. “That box! Open it!”She hesitated, then saw the box he meant. Te label read WARNING. DO NOT OPEN. “Open it!” Leo yelled again.”
“All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It’s only the dogs who’ve accepted Christ.”
-
“Intelligent men are dangerous.”
-
“Why do people always expect authors to answer questions? I am an author because I want to ask questions. If I had answers, I’d be a politician.”
-
“Once, when a religionist denounced me in unmeasured terms, I sent him a card saying, “I am sure you believe that I will go to hell when I die, and that once there I will suffer all the pains and tortures the sadistic ingenuity of your deity can devise and that this torture will continue forever. Isn’t that enough for you? Do you have to call me bad names in addition?”
-
“A tiger only needs three things to be comfortable. Lots of food, sleep, and…actually, no it’s just those two things.”
-
-
-