All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Kenji has a hand pressed to his mouth, desperately trying to suppress a smile. He’s shaking his head, holding up a hand in apology. And then he breaks, laughing out loud, snorting as he tries to muffle the sound. “I’m sorry,” he says, pressing his lips together, shaking his head again. “This is not a funny moment. It’s not. I’m not laughing”

“I was supposed to be waiting up here when you got back, only your Phoenix lot got in the way…”“Yes, they do that,” said Dumbledore.”

“I hate reality but it’s still the best place to get a good steak.”

“The universe is a million billion light-years wide, and every inch of it would kill you if you went there. This is the position of the universe with regards to human life.”

“He who laughs last laughs the laughiest.”

“Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar.”

“I really should come with a warning label.”

“I’m making a listI’m making a list of things I must sayFor politeness,And goodness and kindness and gentlenessSweetness and rightness:HelloPardon meHow are you?Excuse meBless youMay I?Thank youGoodbyeIf you know some that I’ve forgot,Please stick them in you eye!”

“When you say gorgeous,” Jen started, “are we talking Brad Pitt boyish good looks, or Johnny Depp make ya want to slap somebody?” “No, we’re talking Brad and Johnny need to bow down and recognize” Jacque answered.”

“I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”

“You like them,” I realized.Noah’s eyebrows lifted in question.”Like as people.””As opposed to…furniture?””They’re my PARENTS.””That is my understanding, yes.”

“What do you think that fish is?’ Sam asked Astrid.She peered closely at the alleged fish. ‘I think that’s an example of Pesce inedibilis,’ she said.’Yeah?’ Sam made a face. ‘Do you think it’s okay to eat?’Astrid sighed theatrically. ‘Pesce inedibilis? Inedible? Joke, duh. Try to keep up, Sam, I made that really easy for you.’Sam smiled. ‘You know, a real genius would have known I wouldn’t get it. Ergo, you are not a real genius. Hah. That’s right. I threw down an ‘ergo.”She gave him a pitying look. ‘That’s very impressive, Sam. Especially from a boy who has twenty-two different uses for the word ‘dude.”

“…cursing my heels and debating whether it was faster to stop and take them off–damn ankle straps!–or keep running with the potential neck breakers. Wouldn’t that make a charming epitaph? Here lies Cat. Killed not by fang, but Ferragamos.”

“How long have you been with Raphael?”“You ask a lot of questions for a dead woman.”“What can I say? I prefer to die well-informed.”

“Let me ask you a question Alex. What do you think is the greatest evil on this plant today?””Is that including, or not including you?”