All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“High School. Society’s bright idea to put all their aggressive, naive youth into one environment to torment and emotionally scar each other for life.”

“Have you made any other friends since we’ve been here?”I gave him the death stare. “Yes, actually.””Who? I want a name.””Jamie Roth.””The Ebola kid? I heard he’s a little unstable.””That was one incident.”

“Thus, though I dislike to differ with such a great man, Voltaire was simply ludicrous when he said that if god did not exist it would be necessary to invent him. The human invention of god is the problem to begin with.”

“Man is certainly stark mad; he cannot make a worm, and yet he will be making gods by dozens.”

“We’d spent maybe ten minutes together, during which time I’d accidentally swung a sword at her, she’d saved my life, and I’d run away chased by a band of supernatural killing machines. You know, your typical chance meeting.”

“Tyson- “Cash? Like…green paper?”Percy- “Yeah.”Tyson- “Like the kind in duffel bags?”Percy-“Yeah, but we lost those bags days a-g-g–.” “Tyson! How did you–“Tyson- “Thought it was a feed bag for Rainbow. Found it floating in sea, but only paper inside. Sorry.”

“I’m the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I’ve never even met.”

“When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.”

“She’d absolutely adored the library_an entire building where anyone could take things they didn’t own and feel no remorse about it.”

“An empty stomach is not a good political adviser.”

“I really believe, or want to believe, really I am nuts, otherwise I’ll never be sane.”

“Kitten, this is my best mate, Charles, but you can call him Spade. Charles, this is Cat, the woman I’ve been telling you about. You can see for yourself that everything I’ve said is…an understatement.”

“My mother told me that life isn’t always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.”

“Gabi to Marcus “I can’t believe out of one hundred thousand sperm, you were the fastest!”

“Kids. You gotta love them. I adore children. A little salt, a squeeze of lemon–perfect.”