All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Would you like a cough drop Dolores?”

“This is a good place,” he said.”There’s a lot of liquor,” I agreed.”

“Noseless and Handless, the Lannister Boys.”

“What…what about when I’m married?”“We’ll buy a cot. Your husband can sleep on that when he visits.”

“What’s going on?” Newt asked, looking back and forth between Thomas and Aris. “Why’re you guys looking at each other like you just fell in love?”

“Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.”

“To alcohol! The cause of… and solution to… all of life’s problems”

“good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere”

“Usually my form of turning someone down was shoving a stake through his heart while smirking, Gotcha!”

“Housework can kill you if done right.”

“What’s not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we given up on writing letters to each other, we barely even talk to each other. People have become so accustomed to texting that they’re actually startled when the phone rings. It’s like we suddenly all have Batphones. If it rings, there must be danger. Now we answer, “What happened? Is someone tied up in the old sawmill?”“No, it’s Becky. I just called to say hi.”“Well you scared me half to death. You can’t just pick up the phone and try to talk to me like that. Don’t the tips of your fingers work?”

“Common sense is the most widely shared commodity in the world, for every man is convinced that he is well supplied with it.”

“Go back to bed, America. Your government has figured out how it all transpired. Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control again. Here. Here’s American Gladiators. Watch this, shut up. Go back to bed, America. Here is American Gladiators. Here is 56 channels of it! Watch these pituitary retards bang their fucking skulls together and congratulate you on living in the land of freedom. Here you go, America! You are free to do what we tell you! You are free to do what we tell you!”

“I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.”

“I am not sure I trust you.””You can trust me with your life, My King.””But not with my wine, obviously. Give it back.”