All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people’s.”

“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.”

“There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who believe there are two kinds of people in this world and those who are smart enough to know better.”

“I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.”

“Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.”[Mark Twain, a Biography]”

“When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.”

“Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal.”

“It’s my turn to see you through,’ she whispers, coming back to me and wrapping me in her blanket as I lose my shit all over again. She holds me until I recover my Y chromosome.”

“Sissy Mae Smith…stumbled into the room loaded down with even more bags. “You pack like a woman,” she snarled when she finally dropped the luggage to the floor. “How can one man have so much conditioner?”His mouth filled with French toast, Mitch pointed at his hair and snarled, “Tawny mane! Do you think this shit stays this beautiful on its own? It needs care and love! Which is more than I’m getting from you!”

“Dev-“Come in peace or leave in pieces”

“In the long second before everyone absorbs what just happened, I see the angel rolling his eyes heavenward, like a teenager in the presence of overwhelming lameness. Some people just have no sense of gratitude.”

“Hey, our hair’s the same color,” I said, eying us side by side in the mirror.”Sure is, girlfriend.” Eric grinned at me.”

“Sigh””Did you just say sigh? out loud? instead of actually sighing?”Eye roll”

“I think that men ought to treat women like something other than weaker men with breasts.”

“It wasn’t until I’d walked halfway across the parking lot that I realized: 1. I wasn’t wearing shoes. A. Or a shirt. 2. I didn’t bring my keys                       A. Or anything really. 3. I’d just left a complete stranger in my apartment.                       A. Naked.Whoever said one-night stands were supposed to be simple with no strings attached had clearly never met the disaster that was me.”