All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“There is nothing particularly wrong with salmon, of course, but like caramel candy, strawberry yogurt, or liquid carpet cleaner, if you eat too much of it you are not going to enjoy your meal.”

“Right,” Sadie said. “And Set will just stand there calmly while I read him to death.”

“He looks like a runway model. How in the world am I going to be able to reject that? The world is so unfair. Seriously, it’s like turning Brad Pitt down for a date. The girl who could actually do it should win an award for idiot of the century.”

“You don’t have to make something that people call art. Living is an artistic activity, there is an art to getting through the day.”

“Any customer can have a car painted any colour that he wants so long as it is black.”

“Are you there vodka? It’s me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I’ll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home.”

“What the hell is going on?” demanded Kami’s dad, advancing with his black eyes snapping. Jared blurted, “My intentions are honourable.”Kami sat up straight in her bed and stared in Jared’s direction. “Are you completely crazy?” she wanted to know. “This isn’t the eighteenth century. How do you think that’s going to help?””Well, I mean,” Jared said, back against the wall like a cornered animal. “When we’re older. I mean-“”Please shut up,” Kami begged.”I agree with Kami,” said Dad. “When you’re in an abyss-like hole, quit digging.”

“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”

“Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.”

“Bones has always been smart,” I muttered. “His intelligence was just camouflaged under a mountain of p**sy.”Cat”

“What kind of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.”

“If you can’t win by reason, go for volume.”

“A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded.”

“No single thing abides; and all things are fucked up.”

“From now on, I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success…. I’m just here to cash in.”