All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“I couldn’t believe I’d come this far, lost Tyson, suffered through so much, only to fail – stopped by a big stupid monster in a baby-blue tuxedo kilt. Nobody was going to swat down my friends like that! I mean…nobody, not Nobody. Ah, you know what I mean.”

“Practice makes perfect, but nobody’s perfect, so why practice?”

“Are you sleepwalking?’ A voice asked behind me. “I was testing dorm security,” I said. “It sucks.”

“No one in the world gets what they want and that is beautiful.”

“A good night sleep, or a ten minute bawl, or a pint of chocolate ice cream, or all three together, is good medicine.”

“If something is going to happen to me, I want to be there.”

“As I am sure you know, when people say ‘It’s my pleasure,’ they usually mean something along the lines of, ‘There’s nothing on Earth I would rather do less.’ […]”

“How did you become blind, uh, Jeff is it?”Yeah, Jeff. Well, I looked directly at the sun, you know, the way they always tell you not to. If only I had listened.”

“A gun. I had been brought down by a gun. It was practically comical. Cheaters, I thought.”

“I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine.”

“It’s probably a bad indicator of your lifestyle when you miss your ex-boyfriend because he’s absolutely lethal.”

“The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity.”

“This is Leo. I’m the… What’s my title? Am I like, admiral, or captain, or…””Repair boy.””Very funny, Piper.”

“It’s lovely. If only you could frost someone to death.””Don’t be so superior. You can never tell what you will find in the arena. Say it’s a gigantic cake-”

“Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.”