All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“It’s probably a bad indicator of your lifestyle when you miss your ex-boyfriend because he’s absolutely lethal.”

“The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity.”

“Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything.”

“Take off your shirt.”Jace raised his eyebrows. “I’m not going to attack you,” she said impatiently. “I can take the sight of your naked chest without swooning.””Are you sure?” he asked, obediently sliding the shirt off his shoulders. “Because viewing my naked chest has caused many women to seriously injure themselves stampeding to get to me.”

“Well, we were always going to fail that one,” said Ron gloomily as they ascended the marble staircase. He had just made Harry feel rather better by telling him how he told the examiner in detail about the ugly man with a wart on his nose in the crystal ball, only to look up and realize he had been describing the examiner’s reflection.”

“I’m tired of this back-slappin’ “isn’t humanity neat” bullshit. We’re a virus with shoes.”

“How is it possible to have a civil war?”

“Student: Dr. Einstein, Aren’t these the same questions as last year’s [physics] final exam?Dr. Einstein: Yes; But this year the answers are different.”

“I’m the Super-sized McShizzle, man!” Leo said. “I’m Leo Valdez, bad boy supreme. And the ladies love a bad boy.”

“Relax, having kids is years away. But can you imagine? Your brains, my charm, our collective good looks… then add in the usual physical abilities dhampirs get. It’s really not even fair to everyone else.”

“Carpe Scrotum. Seize life by the testicles”

“I heard the man and woman cry a warning as I frantically racked my brain for some sort of throat-repairing spell, which I was clearly about to need. Of course the only words that I actually managed to yell at the werewolf as he ran at me were, ‘BAD DOG!’Then, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a flash of blue light on my left. Suddenly, the werewolf seemed to smack into an invisible wall just inches in front of me….”You know,” someone said off to my left, “I usually find a blocking spell to be a lot more effective than yelling ‘Bad dog,’ but maybe that’s just me.”

“Poison!” Grover yelped. “Don’t let those things touch you or…””Or we’ll die?” I guessed.”Well…after you shrivel slowly to dust, yes.””Let’s avoid the swords,” I decided.”

“Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh… now you tell me what you know.”

“What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.”