All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Ranger is an unusual name,” she managed. “Is it a nickname?”It’s a street name,” Ranger said. “I was a Ranger in the army.”I heard about them Rangers on TV,” Grandma said. “I heard they get dogs pregnant.”My father’s mouth dropped open and a piece of ham fell out.My mother froze, her fork poised in midair.That’s sort of a joke,” I told Grandma. “Rangers don’t get dogs pregnant in real life.”I looked at Ranger for corroboration and got another smile.”

“Are you her boyfriend?”…No, I’m her fiancé.” Nate said.We’ve been promised to each other since birth,” Summer added.Our wedding isn’t until March.”

“Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a ‘possum stuck in your collar?”

“So if animals aren’t our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.”

“I spent most of my youth hauling sides of beef and pork to my father’s shop. Carrying you is far more enjoyable.””How sweet,” Annabelle mumbled sickly, her eyes closed. “Every woman dreams of being told that she’s preferable to a dead cow.”

“now, if there’s anything stupider than buddy lists, its lol. if anyone ever uses lol with me, i rip my computer right out of the wall and smash it over the nearest head. i mean, it’s not like anyone is laughing out loud about the things they lol. i think it should be spelled loll. like what a lobotomized person’s tongue does. loll. loll. i can’t think anymore. loll. loll! or ttyl. bitch, you’re not actually talking. that would require actual vocal contact or <3. you honestly think that looks like a heart? if you do, that's only because you'v never seen scrotum. (rofl! what? are you really rolling on the floor laughing? well, please stay down there a sec while i KICK YOUR ASS)”

“My shoulder will never be the same. I expect you to nurse me back to health.’-Jace’Just break the door down, will you?’-Clary”

“Jiggery pokery!” said Harry in a fierce voice. “Hocus pocus — squiggly wiggly —”“MUUUUUUM!” howled Dudley, “He’s doing you know what!”

“That’s why I admired that kid who spelled it wrong on purpose so he could sit down. He knew he wasn’t going to win, so why stand there for 3 hours. First round. “Cat, K-A-T, I’m outta here.” Then as he passed you, “Ha! I know there’s 2 T’s.”

“A horse must be a bit mad to be a good cavalry mount, and its rider must be completely so.”

“We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again and that is well but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.”

“But there is in everything a reasonable division of labour. I have written the book, and nothing on earth would induce me to read it.”

“Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.”

“Nothing is safe from you. If I were to court a girl who lived on an iceberg in the middle of the ocean, sooner or later— probably sooner— I’d look up to see you swooping overhead on a broomstick. In fact, by now I’d be disappointed in you if I didn’t see you.” “Are you off to the iceberg today?” Sophie retorted.”

“I box in yellow Gox box socks.”