All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“I stood my ground. “You evil scientist are all the same–evil. Count me out.”Fang and I brushed past Mr. God and walked quickly but smoothly to the exit. It was barely noon, and I’d already made a huge enemy.Dang, I’m good.”

“Clary made fun of him about his new look; but, then, Clary found everything about Simon’s love life borderline hilarious.”

“What are you doing?” “Ya!” said Jane, whirling around, her hands held up menacingly. It was Mr. Nobley with coat, hat, and cane, watching her with wide eyes. Jane took several quick (but oh so casual) steps away from Martin’s window. “Um, did I just say, ‘Ya’?” “You just said ‘Ya,'” he confirmed. “If I am not mistaken, it was a battle cry, warning that you were about to attack me.I, uh…” She stopped to laugh. “I wasn’t aware until this precise and awkward moment that when startled in a startled in a strange place, my instincts would have me pretend to be a ninja.”

“Sit, Phantom!” Ivy cooed. “On your bottom!””Oh, for goodness’ sake!” Gabriel put down his book and pointed a longer finger at Phantom. “Sit,” he commanded in a deep voice. Phantom looked sheepish and sank straight to the floor.Ivy scowled in frustration. “I’ve been trying to get him to do that all day! What is it with dogs and male authority?”

“A succubus on the set. Strike that, the health-conscious kid sister made it two… succubuses. Succubusees? Succubi? Stupid Latin correspondence course.”

“Principal Principal: Where’s your late pass, mister?Errant Student: I’m on my way to get one now. PP: But you can’t be in the hall without a pass. ES: I know, I’m so upset. That’s why I need to hurry, so I can get a pass. Principal Principal pauses with a look on his face like Daffy Duck’s when Bugs is pulling a fast one. PP: Well, hurry up, then, and get that pass.”

“I care. They bother me. And that’s why I’m stupid. That makes me exponentially more stupid than stupid. I’m stupid to the power of stupid.”

“Forget men, I want to marry my MacBook. It’s dependable, reliable and you can even go shopping with it.”

“Heroism doesn’t pay very well. I try to be cold-blooded and money-oriented, but I keep screwing it up.”

“The big difference between my mom and me– besides the fact that she is dead normal and I’m a magic-handling freak– is that she’s the real thing. She may have a slight problem seeing other people’s points of view, but she’s honest about it. She’s a brass-bound bitch because she believes she knows best. I’m a brass-bound bitch because I don’t want anyone getting close enough to find out what a whiny little knot of naked nerve endings I really am. ”

“You can change your mind, don’t let your mind change you”

“The Getsmart PrayerI do my laundry and you do yours,I am not in this life to listen to your ceaseless yammering,And you are not in this world for any discernable reason at all.You are you, and I am I, and I got the better deal.And if by chance we find each other, it will be unspeakably tedious.Fuck off.”

“If you want to be seen, stand up.If you want to be heard, speak up.If you want to be appreciated, shut up.”

“I’m so horny the crack of dawn isn’t safe.”

“Running ain’t no bad thing. Leastways if you run in the right direction.”