All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“Not entirely fair?” His voice became that of the inferno: a rushing, booming howl of icy evil that flew around the great cavern, as swift and cold as the Wendigo on skates. “I am Satan, also called Lucifer the Light Bearer…”Cabal winced. What was it about devils that they always had to give you their whole family history?”I was cast down from the presence of God himself into this dark, sulfurous pit and condemned to spend eternity here-“”Have you tried saying sorry?” interrupted Cabal.”No, I haven’t! I was sent down for a sin of pride. It rather undermines my position if I say ‘sorry’!”

“It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.”

“Rhett: If you’ve made up your mind to impale someone, do it with conviction.”

“What should I say? ‘Well, the murder was a little upsetting, and the fire did worry me a bit. I was nearly date-raped and my ex best friend is crazy. But, hey, at least I’m making an A in History’?”

“You’re not eating anything,” said Marilla sharply, eying her as if it were a serious shortcoming. Anne sighed. I can’t. I’m in the depths of despair. Can you eat whenyou are in the depths of despair?”I’ve never been in the depths of despair, so I can’t say,” responded Marilla. Weren’t you? Well, did you ever try to IMAGINE you were inthe depths of despair?”No, I didn’t.”Then I don’t think you can understand what it’s like. It’s very uncomfortable a feeling indeed.”

“Meg, don’t you think you’d make a better adjustment to life if you faced facts?” I do face facts,” Meg said.They’re lots easier to face than people, I can tell you.”

“It was the hat. He looked sweet in the hat. How could a man in a fuzzy blue hat have used human bones to pave his roads?”

“Specifically, I’d like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since it’s less wasteful.”

“Death was standing behind a lectern, poring over a map. He looked at Mort as if he wasn’t entirely there.Yᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇɴ’ᴛ ʜᴇᴀʀᴅ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ Bᴀʏ Oғ Mᴀɴᴛᴇ, ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ? he said.“No, sir,” said Mort.Fᴀᴍᴏᴜs sʜɪᴘᴡʀᴇᴄᴋ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ.“Was there?”Tʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ, said Death, ɪғ I ᴄᴀɴ ғɪɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀᴍɴ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ.”

“Yo, cop. We’re heading for Screamer’s. You wanna come?” Butch looked up at the doorway. Vishous was in the hall with Rhage and Phury behind him. The vampires had expectant looks on their faces, like they honestly wanted to hang with him. Butch found himself grinning like the new kid who didn’t have to sit alone at lunch after all.”

“Holy mother of rectangles.”

“I love being a wizard. Every day is like Disneyland.”

“You can hear my dreams? God, you must never get any quiet. I’d be shooting myself in the head if I were you.”

“I was also built from delusional optimism and folly.”

“If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?”