All Quotes By Tag: Humor
“In truth, Freud sees nothing and understands nothing.”
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“Did you eat my Twinkies?”She gulped. Keeping her eyes glued to the whip, she said, “Exactly what Twinkies are we talking about?””The Twinkies in the cupboard over the sink. The only Twinkies in the trailer.” His fingers convulsed around the coils of leather.Oh, Lord, she thought. Flayed to death for a Twinkle.”Well?””It, uh — it won’t happen again, I promise you. But they didn’t have any special marking on them, so there was no way I could tell they were yours.” Her eyes remained riveted on the whip. “And normally I wouldn’t have eaten them— I never eat junk food-—but I was hungry last night, and, well, when you think about it, you’ll have to admit I did you a favor because they’re clogging my arteries now instead of yours.”His voice was quiet. Too quiet. In her mind she heard the howl of a rampaging Cossack baying at a Russian moon. “Don’t touch my Twinkies. Ever. If you want Twinkies, buy your own.”
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“You’re kidding,” Shane said. “Do you think I want to visit Crazy McTeeth in his lair of insanity?””No,” Claire said, “but I’m pretty sure you won’t like it if I go alone when I just kind of promised to be with you. So…?””Right. I’ve been missing Nutty McFang anyway.””Stop making up names for him.””What about Count Crackula?””Just stop.”
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“The food was so good that with each passing course, our conversation devolved further into fragmented celebrations of its deliciousness:’I want this dragon carrot risotto to become a person so I can take it to Las Vegas and marry it.”
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“And spare me the jokes about scoring.””Dammit, woman, you read my mind,” he said. “Is there no filthy wordplay you can’t forsee?””It’s my special magical power. I can read your mind when you’re thinking dirty thoughts.””So, ninety-five percent of the time.”
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“Sure,” she said, and hugged the laptop bag closer. “What could go wrong?”Michael’s eyes flashed to meet hers in the rearview mirror.Besides everything, I mean,” she said.”
“Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.”
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“I know how to use a fellytone now.”
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“Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?— Riley Poole”
“First Pallas and now you,” the gray-haired man said, shaking his head at Nick. “It’s like I’m running a goddamn dating service around here.”
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“Another relative?” Valek asked.A broad smile stretched Moon Man’s lips. “Yes. I am her mother’s uncle’s wife’sthird cousin.”–Valek and Moon Man”
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“I’ve been thinking.” “A dangerous pursuit.” “Indeed.”
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“An Assassin, a real Assassin, had to look like one – black clothes, hood, boots, and all. If they could wear any clothes, any disguise, then what could anyone do but spend all day in a small room with a loaded crossbow pointed at the door?”
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“I’m going to tell you something once and then whether you die is strictly up to you,” Westley said, lying pleasantly on the bed. “What I’m going to tell you is this: drop your sword, and if you do, then I will leave with this baggage here”—he glanced at Buttercup—”and you will be tied up but not fatally, and will be free to go about your business. And if you choose to fight, well, then, we will not both leave alive.”You are only alive now because you said ‘to the pain.’ I want that phrase explained.”My pleasure. To the pain means this: if we duel and you win, death for me. If we duel and I win, life for you. But life on my terms. The first thing you lose will be your feet. Below the ankle. You will have stumps available to use within six months. Then your hands, at the wrists. They heal somewhat quicker. Five months is a fair average. Next your nose. No smell of dawn for you. Followed by your tongue. Deeply cut away. Not even a stump left. And then your left eye—”And then my right eye, and then my ears, and shall we get on with it?” the Prince said.Wrong!” Westley’s voice rang across the room. “Your ears you keep, so that every shriek of every child shall be yours to cherish—every babe that weeps in fear at your approach, every woman that cries ‘Dear God, what is that thing?’ will reverberate forever with your perfect ears. That is what ‘to the pain’ means. It means that I leave you in anguish, in humiliation, in freakish misery until you can stand it no more; so there you have it, pig, there you know, you miserable vomitous mass, and I say this now, and live or die, it’s up to you: Drop your sword!”The sword crashed to the floor.”
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