All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“And Nate? You kiss like a slobbering dog, you have bad breath, and you wouldn’t know how to punch the right buttons on a girl if we came with manuals. Happy Thanksgiving, Jackass.”

“When I’m out of politics I’m going to run a business, it’ll be called rent-a-spine”

“Things on the essential list: vodka, Nine Inch Nails, a steady supply of mortal men, and an all-purpose bitchy attitude.”

“He whipped out his sheet, then pulled it over himself and wrapped it tightly around his face like an old woman in a shawl. ‘How do I look?”Like the ugliest shanky girl I’ve ever seen,’ Minho responded. ‘You better thank the gods above you were born a dude.’ ‘Thanks.”

“Any idiot can put up a website.”

“You have a very open relationship with your fans.””Yes. We have an open relationship. Obviously they can see other authors if they want, and I can see other readers.”

“I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.”

“Well enough,” I reply. “Remember, you’re drunk. And happy. You’re supposed to be lusting over your escort. Try smiling a little more.”Day plasters a giant artificial smile on his face. As charming as ever. “Aw, come on, sweetheart. I thought I was doing a pretty good job. I got my arm around the prettiest escort on this block—how could I not be lusting over you? Don’t I look like I’m lusting? This is me, lusting.” His lashes flutter at me.He looks so ridiculous that I can’t help laughing. Another passerby glances at me. “Much better.”

“She should’ve interviewed Snape,” said Harry grimly. “He’d give her the goods on me any day. “Potter has been crossing lines ever since he first arrived at this school…”

“Tell you what, you let me go, and I’ll ask you plenty of questions about your race. Until then, I’m slightly distracted with how this little vacation on the good ship Holy Sh*t is going to pan out for me.”

“Stop!” Narcissus got to his feet. “This is not right! This person is obviously not awesome, so he must be…” He struggled for the right words. It had probably been a long time since he’d talked about anything other than himself. “He must be tricking us.” Apparently Narcissus wasn’t completely stupid.”

“Um…Mercer? Haven’t seen you in nearly a month. I was expecting something like, ‘Oh Cross, love of my heart, fire of my loins, how I’ve longed–”

“Spike (to Giles) : Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes — ‘Cuppa tea, cuppa tea… almost got shagged… cuppa tea’?”

“If you think I’m going to let six people risk their lives – !”because it’s the first time for all of us,’ said Ron.’This is different, pretending to be me -”Well, none of us really fancy it, Harry,’ said Fred earnestly. ‘Imagine if something went wrong and we were stuck as specky, scrawny gits forever.’Harry did not smile. ‘You can’t do it if I don’t cooperate, you need me to give you some hair.”Well, that’s the plan scuppered,’ said George. ‘Obviously there’s no chance at all of us getting a bit of your hair unless you cooperate.”Yeah, thirteen of us against one bloke who’s not allowed to use magic; we’ve got no chance,’ said Fred.”

“Look!” said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, “Someone who cares!”