All Quotes By Tag: Humor

“…slow and drunk is no match for fast and scared shitless.”

“Percy was getting tired of water.If he said that aloud, he would probably get kicked out of Poseidon’s Junior Sea Scouts, but he didn’t care.”

“I don’t need anything to get high. I’m high on life.”

“A real scientist solves problems, not wails that they are unsolvable.”

“I liked things better when I didn’t understand them.”

“When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.”

“She came awake, stomach rumbling, and opened her eyes to see a plate being held right under her nose. When she reached for it, Shane snatched it back. ‘Nuh-uh. Mine.”Share!’ she demanded.’Man, you are one grabby girlfriend.’She grinned. It always made her feel so fiercly warm inside to hear him say that- the girlfriend part, not the grabby part. ‘If you love me, you’ll give me a taco.”Seriously? That’s all you got? What about you’ll do sexy, illegal things to me for a taco?”Not for a taco,’ she said. ‘I’m not cheap.”They’re brisket tacos.”Now you’re talking.”

“You climbed into my window in the middle of the night. So, either you’re some kind of Vampire or some kind of Perv. Which is it?”

“I had no desire to hear another woman tell my boyfriend how hot he was. If I wanted him to know, I’d damn well tell him myself. ”

“Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.”

“You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.”

“I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble. ”

“I’m a werewolf trapped in a human body.””Well, yeah, that’s kind of the definition.””No, really. I’m trapped.””Oh? When was the last time you shape-shifted?””That’s just it – I’ve never shape-shifted.””So you’re not really a werewolf.””Not yet. But I was meant to be one, I just know it. How do I get a werewolf to attack me?”Stand in the middle of a forest under a full moon with a raw steak tied to your face, holding a sign that says, ‘Eat me; I’m stupid’?”

“If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.”

“Katniss: ‘What about you? Ive seen you in the market. You can lift hundred pound bags of flour’. I snap at himTell him that. Thats not nothing.Peeta: Yes and Im sure the arena will be full of bags of flour for me to chuck at people.”